True Happiness
by Jessa4865
Summary: Something goes horribly awry on a mission and the SGC is left at the mercy of a threeyearold's whims. COMPLETE!
1. Prologue

True Happiness  
Jessa4865 Anything's possible through 7th season eps  
Disclaimer: I don't own them; I'm just taking them out for some fun. I'll put them back when I'm done. Promise.  
AN: Takes place somewhere in season 7, but not particularly anywhere. SJ… always

Prologue

SG-1 spilled onto the ramp rather more eagerly than usual. Another narrow escape. General Hammond stood before them, smiling in a fatherly way, happy that his flagship team had returned uninjured once again. Colonel O'Neill offered a tight-lipped wry smile, absolutely refusing to acknowledge anything out of the ordinary. Daniel Jackson peered cautiously around the room, saying a silent prayer that Dr Frasier would pronounce that his concussion explained the hallucinations. Teal'c stood stoically, as always, although to anyone who knew him well, his slight grimace gave away his utter displeasure with their mission. In place of their usual fourth, a small child stood nervously beside the men on the ramp. She clung tightly to the colonel's and Dr Jackson's hands. She was completely overwhelmed by her surroundings and for a moment her chin trembled, threatening tears.

She squealed with delight when she saw the general. She bounced down the ramp and threw herself into General Hammond's arms. She giggled and placed a sloppy kiss on his cheek, hugging him so tightly around the neck that the poor man had trouble breathing.

Having plenty of experience with young children, counting his own three kids and his two grandchildren, General Hammond took it in stride. He gently pried the girl loose from his neck and lowered her to the ground. He paid no attention to her when she scrambled back to Colonel O'Neill's side and fastened herself to his leg. Instead, he looked among the faces of his team. "Where is Major Carter? And why wasn't I notified you were bringing a guest?"

Dr. Jackson took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, giving all the impression that he'd just been overcome with a terrible migraine, thus sparing him from actually having to answer the question. Teal'c turned to face the colonel, expecting the leader of the team to explain the situation. Colonel O'Neill winced and tried to wrench the child from his leg.

"Um, sir, well…" He looked down at the blond head that had a death grip on his knee. He realized it was not the time to mention that the child's penchant for attaching herself to his bad knee allowed her to work quite well as a living, breathing, squealing, giggling heating pad. He successfully freed one of her hands and pulled her around until she was facing the general.

General Hammond squinted, taking his first good look at the child's face. His eyes suddenly widened in almost comical disbelief. "Oh my God, is that-"

"Major Carter." Colonel O'Neill winced as he said the words. He somehow expected that he'd be in trouble, that he'd be to blame for the loss of what he considered to be the SGC's, the country's, the world's, and even the universe's greatest scientific mind. He was even prepared to argue that Dr Carter wasn't exactly lost, but just away for the next thirty odd years.

The general squatted down on one knee, his normal smile replaced with an absolutely gleeful one. He held his arms out. "Sammy!"

The girl let go of the colonel, squealing happily once again as she ran down the ramp and into the general's arms. "Uncle G!"

General Hammond scooped her up and stood once again, answering the disbelieving stares of his staff. "I've known Jacob for a long, long time."


	2. Chapter One

_AN: Thanks for the encouraging reviews! I'm not going to promise a chapter a day, but here's the next installment.If you like it, please review and let me know!_

Chapter One

_Earlier that day…_

I've always been very open and straightforward about my feelings regarding planets with trees. Cause really, unless you're a horticulturist or being anal retentive about your Christmas tree, trees all look the same. So whenever I get somewhere and see nothing but trees, I huff and puff and grumble about it. Carter will launch into her diatribe about oxygen and carbon dioxide and I've heard the damn speech so many times I could recite it myself, but it sounds so much better when she says it that I never interrupt her.

But there's something I hate even more than tress - and no, it's not sandy planets, although they do suck in their own right. It's overly friendly natives. Most especially overly friendly natives who are particularly over friendly with Carter. Of course, I think everyone who looks at her is being over friendly, but there are some people who are more than overly friendly and it's hard for an overprotective, jealous, possessive guy like me to take it - considering that I can't be overly friendly to Carter at all. She takes the attention in stride with an ease that proves just how familiar she is with getting attention from men. She confided in Daniel once that one of the reasons she likes hanging out with the three of us is because we scare off other guys. Apparently when the four of us walk in someplace, the men aren't sure which one of us she's with, but they're sure it's one of us.

The day started off as any hundreds of others have since we started traipsing through the galaxy. The gate was located smack dab in the middle of a forest. It took us three hours to even get to the town. It was actually more of a camp, as far as I was concerned, but Daniel insisted it was a city and Carter declared it was a town and no one bothered to argue with her, but that's beside the point. The point is after marching through overgrown, thorny underbrush for three hours in a forest so thick we thought it was nighttime, we emerged into the town and promptly discovered that it was pouring rain. By that point, even the infernally chipper Daniel and Carter were admitting they were miserable. Teal'c hadn't said the words, per se, but I could tell from the way he was growling continuously that he felt the same. I would have suggested we turn around and go home, except I didn't want to be responsible for a three hour forced march back to the gate.

Shortly after we emerged onto the packed dirt path they called a road, we were accosted - greeted according to Daniel - by some lovely individuals with wooden weapons that looked rather like extremely large hole-punches. Uncertain as I was about what damage they could possibly do, I wasn't ready to upset them. I figured as long as they were willing to take us somewhere dry where we could sit down, I could deal with them fawning over us like the aliens we by all rights were.

While we were sitting in a beige room, decorated with, as far as I could tell, globs of mud, we went through the requisite nonsense about who we were and where we were from. The guards - as Daniel reluctantly acknowledged they were - weren't impressed with our story. I wasn't impressed with their hospitality, but I deferred to Carter's assessment that we shouldn't argue as long as they were letting us hold onto our weapons. She did have a point - being held prisoner with an automatic weapon strapped to my chest wasn't really that bad. That wasn't even when the trouble started - no, for us, getting held prisoner isn't as all out of the ordinary. If we're together and uninjured and armed, I figure we're all good.

I guess the trouble really started when the bigwigs showed up. And I use the term bigwigs loosely. There were four of them, dressed in what looked suspiciously like big black garbage bags with duct tape accents. They were also rather short, even Carter towered over them by at least a foot. Besides having strikes against them for being short and lacking any fashion sense, one of them immediately tickled my pet peeve. He smiled his greasy, snarky, sleazy smile at Carter and practically started to drool. As he turned away and said what I determined to be a completely inappropriate comment to his buddies about my second in command, I caught Carter rolling her eyes. It was such a not-Carter thing to do that I had to smile. Unfortunately, my smile made them think that we wanted to be friends.

The sleaziest of them all dismissed his friends and began speaking to Carter like she was the only one there. "I am Chancellor Loh'ran. I would be delighted to show you around our city."

Daniel leaned over to me. "I told you it was a city."

"That's only because they've never seen a real city." I fought the urge to stick my tongue out at him because I was supposed to act like a grown up.

Loh'ran held his arm out to Carter. She looked at me with a pathetic, pleading face. I wanted to insist that she take my arm instead, but I couldn't deal with the fallout from Daniel if I did. I shrugged instead; he didn't strike me as enough of a threat to worry about. Carter didn't hide her grimace when she put her arm through his, bending over slightly to reach him. He smiled proudly. "We'll begin with the marketplace."

Loh'ran led Carter on a fairly convoluted tour which I knew was specially designed to keep her near him as long as possible. True to form, Teal'c kept a vigilant watch over both our host and our surroundings. Daniel drank in the seemingly endless historical crap Loh'ran was doling out. Carter had a fake smile plastered across her face and kept trying to remove her arm from Loh'ran's grasp. Every time she pulled away, he'd abruptly stop moving until he had a hold of her again. I trudged along unhappily behind him, shooting daggers at their linked arms. I really didn't like it when aliens who reminded me of B-rate stereotypical mob midgets hit on Carter in front of me. I took comfort in the fact that she didn't seem to like it either and the fact that if he tried anything, I could beat the crap out of him with one hand tied behind my back.

The last stop on the tour was the school. Well, Loh'ran called it a school. Daniel called it an educational facility. I called it a plexi-glass cage. There were hundred of children inside, running and playing and laughing. They certainly didn't seem to mind being locked up. It was the first time I'd seen a genuine smile on Carter's face in weeks. In fact, all of us were staring at the kids with dumb-ass grins. It's just hard not to smile when you're facing so much unbridled enthusiasm.

I noticed almost immediately that Loh'ran had the same dumb-ass grin as the rest of us. Except his wasn't aimed at the children - his was aimed at Carter. I shook my head and wondered where the Stargate was. We'd backtracked and turned so many times during the tour that I'd gotten completely turned around. Carter probably knew exactly where it was. I decided after I decked Loh'ran, I would order Carter to lead us back to the gate while Teal'c and I battled off the hole-punch army who would come after us when I clocked their leader.

Carter snapped out of her fog and looked around inquisitively. "Loh'ran, there are an awful lot of children here. The city doesn't seem large enough to hold them all and their parents."

"The youngsters are well cared for until it is time for them to join our society." Loh'ran continued to smile at Carter and she obviously didn't want to have to continue to look at him so she dropped it.

Now, me, on the other hand, I know when someone's dodging a question and I'd just about had enough of him touching Carter. I marched over to them, insinuating myself close enough to Carter that she backed up. I smiled at the success of my plan. I was standing directly between them. "Are you saying you lock the kids in a cage until they grow up?"

Loh'ran seemed disturbed by the fact that Carter was out of reach. "They have no wish to leave. The children are happy."

Carter had slowly inched away from both of us and was standing on the other side of Teal'c by the time I turned around. Loh'ran quickly closed the distance and reached for her arm. Carter looked at me, silently begging me to help her. I had issues with the children and Carter had a point about the lack of adults to explain them all, but I knew I'd get in trouble if I started a war with them without more evidence than our general distrust of Loh'ran. I shrugged again and that time, Cater snarled at me as she linked her arm through his.

We walked for a little while back toward the first building we'd been in. "You are unhappy, Samantha."

I was walking behind Loh'ran, mimicking him as he spoke. Daniel elbowed me in the ribs. I ignored him, amusing myself by making fun of Loh'ran. Daniel said something to Teal'c. Teal'c in turn pointed out that if Loh'ran were to get angry, Carter would be the closest target. I straightened up immediately. Daniel snickered.

"Not at all, Loh'ran. I'm very happy." For a millisecond, Carter's eyes darted over Loh'ran and locked on mine. Unspoken, unconsummated, and illegal, apparently our relationship, which consisted only of a few forced words years earlier and the occasional longing glance and the even rarer hug, was enough to make her happy. I grinned like a fool. Daniel continued to snicker.

"I see sadness in your eyes. You are a soldier?" Carter nodded. Loh'ran smiled smugly. "Then you have seen death and destruction and war and pain and many unpleasant things. You have caused some yourself, have you not?"

Carter looked down and I felt bad for her. It was difficult to explain, but as a fellow soldier, I understood. I could be happy too, if I forgot about my past and my son and my failed marriage and most of my military career. When Carter said she was happy, I heard the unmentioned qualifier - that she was as happy as she could be. "I am happy, Loh'ran. I've chosen my life and I've accepted my path to get where I am."

"But you are not as happy as when you were a child, when you could imagine anything at all. You never imagined anything unpleasant would happen to you. There were no tough decisions."

Carter actually winced and pulled away. She nodded at one of the structures on the path. "What did you say this building was?" Daniel, Teal'c and I immediately closed in around Carter, sensing distress in our teammate. It was not a conversation she wanted to have with herself, let alone aloud and with an audience.

Loh'ran ignored her question and her change in topic. "We have a happy life here by design. The children greatly outnumber the adults. Children are happy because they don't know of the pain that can exist. Our world is filled with innocence. Wouldn't you like to have that true happiness once again, Samantha?"

Carter took a deep breath and sighed. "Well, you can't go back again, so let's move on, shall we?"

I stopped caring at that moment whether I was being diplomatic or not. "Carter, I need to talk to you now." I motioned at the path. "Teal'c, Daniel, you keep going with Loh'ran. We'll catch up." Daniel looked confused, forever trying to read into everything. Teal'c nodded and stared at Loh'ran until he reluctantly began walking again.

Carter glanced up at me and flashed a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Thank you, sir."

I checked to make sure no one was looking before I reached out and tilted her chin up. There was sadness in her eyes, undoubtedly more than before because of the guilt Loh'ran had thrown at her. I wanted to comfort her, hug her, assure her that Loh'ran was wrong. Unfortunately, Loh'ran was right. I'd never really noticed, but unlike most of the rest of us, Carter sorely missed that childish innocence. For all the understanding she had of science, I knew she'd trade it all to go back. I ran my thumb over her cheek, daring to touch her in such an intimate way. "You shouldn't feel bad for the choices you made, Carter. You've saved millions of lives dozens of times over."

She nodded as her face contorted to fight back tears. "Yes, sir." Her voice was barely a whisper and I hated that in a few careful words, Loh'ran had wounded her so deeply.

I glanced ahead at the path and saw our group quite a distance away. Teal'c and Daniel were doing a good job of not looking back at us. "Trust me, Carter, when you have kids, you'll be all right. It's like it's all new again. The slate gets wiped clean and you get to see it through their eyes." I didn't mention that the guilt comes back a million fold if your kid dies because of your own stupidity. I didn't need to; she heard it anyway and I realized I'd only made it worse.

Good soldier that she was, she shrugged it off. "Yeah, well, then I'll get myself knocked up as soon as we get back home." She stared walking again, not even seeing my shock that she'd borrowed my pain-deflection technique of cracking jokes.

I caught up to her in a few strides. I leaned down, slid my arm around her, and whispered in the most lecherous voice I could muster up. "Who says you have to wait till you get home?"

She stopped dead and looked at me, her own shock completely blocking out the pain. "What?"

I was pleased that I'd managed to make her squeak and that I'd gotten a rare chance to feel her up. So I put on my most innocent expression. "Loh'ran seems quite fond of you, Major."

She slugged me in the shoulder and stalked off. I smiled as I caught up, pleased with myself for distracting her. It was my mission in life - I couldn't make her happy, but at least I could keep her from crying.


	3. Chapter Two

_AN: I love the reviews. I love writing this story... It's great fun! I hope you all enjoy it!_

Chapter Two

Loh'ran's cohorts were waiting for us when we returned to the mud-sculpture decorated room. Loh'ran was quite excited as he babbled happily to his buddies in his native language. I wondered idly how he could speak two languages if such emphasis was placed on being young and innocent and uneducated. The school hadn't held any sort of indication at all that anything was taught there and none of the other buildings he'd pointed out seemed to hold an educational purpose. I mentioned it to Carter, assuming Loh'ran was too busy saying things about Carter that he really shouldn't have been saying.

One of Loh'ran's friends rudely interrupted and corrected me sharply. "Do not mistake youth and innocence for stupidity. The young often have quite effective ideas for solving problems because their minds are unfettered by rules of sense and logic. Those without the hindrance of a formal education see our problems in a different light and offer solutions the rest of us would never have imagined."

I fell silent, thinking about how often it was one of my stupid comments that gave Carter a brilliant idea. I was about to voice how offended I was by hearing that I had the mind of a child when I realized two things - the first being that they didn't know they'd insulted me and the second being that Carter was the one they were actually insulting. She shifted closer to me as she looked at the group. I did the same, getting a distinct vibe from them that she was in danger. I tried to brush it off, telling myself that Daniel's education didn't seem to bother them at all. Of course for once in his life, Daniel hadn't said anything to reveal how many years he'd spent in school. And I was certainly prepared to argue that regardless of his education, he still had the mind of a child - he trusted everyone and firmly believed that nothing was impossible and seemed to live in his own imaginary world at times.

I couldn't shake the feeling of discomfort. I made the command decision that we were leaving. "Ok, Loh'ran, guys, we've really enjoyed meeting everyone and wish you all the best of luck." I started to move toward the door. "We'll have to come back for a visit some time."

Loh'ran moved into my path. "I must insist that you stay, Colonel. The rain has begun again and it will be much too dark to find your way."

Carter crept up to me, uncharacteristically staying halfway behind me. "We've got a GPS tracker with us. We'll be fine. It was nice meeting you." Loh'ran took a step forward and Carter moved even closer to me. Unfortunately she was already on top of me and her movement only served to press her against me. Not that I minded or anything, it was just very distracting.

Loh'ran slowly met the eyes of the other natives in the room. "No, you will stay." The four turned around and left before I got a chance to argue.

I stared at the door they'd disappeared through and leaned a half inch to the right to mutter at Carter who was still standing far too close for me to think straight. "Do you think they locked that?"

Daniel jumped in. "Jack, what's the rush? They're friendly. They don't have wars or crime. It's a utopia. There's nothing to worry about."

I turned to face him. "There's no such thing as a utopia, Daniel. That's what I'm worried about."

Carter still wasn't backing away from me. Something about the men had really bothered her, but I knew she wasn't about to admit it to me. "And they're really far too friendly, if you ask me."

Daniel waved his hand in the air as if to blow her off. "Would you prefer they were shooting at us?"

"Yes." Our voices in perfect unison merited silence from Daniel and a raised eyebrow from Teal'c.

"I too do not believe this society could be so perfect." Teal'c moved to just in front of the door, ready to fight the next person through it. "The local residents are a source of discomfort to Major Carter. We should leave immediately."

I moved for the door. Carter fell in line behind me. Teal'c followed suit. Daniel lingered, probably mad that we were listening to him. The door wasn't locked. There were no guards. It looked like invitation enough to me. We crept through the hallway quietly. I stopped at the next door. Carter motioned that it wasn't the way we'd come in, but I ignored her. I pushed the door open slightly. It only took a minute of listening to realize it was a courtroom. A trial of some sort was going on.

I looked at Daniel and smirked. "No crime, huh?" He shrugged as the verdict was announced - "reassimilation into society." Carter's eyes were glued on the poor man who was, apparently, guilty. He seemed quite distraught. I nudged her shoulder. "Let's get the hell out of here." She nodded eagerly and took the lead.

When we reached the next hall, Carter cautiously peeked around the corner to make sure it was safe. She glanced back at me and nodded before she turned the corner. I took a step toward her. Then she stepped backward into view. She came back around the corner backwards. I looked up to see Loh'ran coming toward us. I would have said to run, but there was nowhere to go.

Loh'ran stopped directly in front of us. "Your accommodations are ready." He didn't mention the fact that we were obviously on our way out.

I stepped in front of Carter, effectively blocking Loh'ran's attempt to reach for her again. "I hate to be rude and all, but we've got to be going now."

Loh'ran smiled. "That is simply impossible. The building had been closed for the night and cannot be opened until morning."

I walked past him to the main door and opened it. Immediately behind it was a concrete barrier. I shoved at it, but it didn't budge. "What the hell is this?"

Loh'ran gave no indication that he realized I was shouting. "You are free to leave in the morning."

"But we're prisoners tonight?" I found myself wondering why they needed such a defense if there was no crime, but then I remembered that we'd just seen proof that was untrue. "And what the hell does 'reassimilation into society' mean?"

Loh'ran's smile faltered for only a second. "It means that you were somewhere you should not have been." He turned to Carter and changed his mind about his uninformative answer. "When a person shows a behavior pattern that is ill-fitted to our way of life, that person is retrained to behave more properly."

"Hey, look, buddy, we'll be happy to reassimilate ourselves to our planet if you just open the damn door!" It was only after I saw Carter, Teal'c, and Daniel reach for their weapons that I realized I was already aiming mine at Loh'ran.

Loh'ran looked at our guns and took a step back. "I will show you to your rooms."

Carter was waiting for my agreement, but I saw the resignation in her eyes. We all knew we were stuck. I lowered my gun and frowned. "First thing, Loh'ran, we're out of here. No breakfast, no tours-" I shot Daniel a pointed look. "No admiring the architecture."

Loh'ran nodded. "The doors will open at sunrise." He stepped beside Carter and motioned for her to step forward. "This way." He led us up a flight of stairs and down a narrow, dimly lit corridor. "These four doors will serve as your rooms."

I looked at the four doors, identical except that one of them had a bouquet of flowers in front of it. I looked at Carter. "I'm guessing this is your room."

She ignored Loh'ran's pleased grin. Obviously he'd been the one to put the flowers there and she wasn't about to repay him with the effort of smiling. Her hand reached out and turned the knob, pushing open the door. Inside was a small, functional room - a bed, a chair, a sink. Her survey was more thorough than mine and she turned to me, quite unhappy. "There's no lock."

My eyes immediately went to Loh'ran, angry that he'd tried to put her in the room with no lock. Before I had the chance to kill him, Teal'c spoke up. "None of these rooms offer an impediment to intruders."

I glared at Loh'ran. "Unacceptable." I'd rather we all shared a room that locked. Or, actually, even all of us sharing a room that didn't lock was preferable.

Loh'ran's impervious grin didn't fade. "These are the only sleeping quarters in the facility with doors. That is why they were chosen for you."

I turned away from him and vowed to stop using the word unacceptable. Every time I said something was unacceptable, it turned out that I would, in fact, wind up having to accept it. "I'll take first watch." I didn't bother to tell Loh'ran that I'd been taking it perched outside Carter's door.

"I will leave you now. Enjoy your night." Loh'ran walked away, either not noticing or not caring that the four of us were shooting him the evil eye.

I slid into a crouch right where I was standing, gun at the ready for the first unlucky bastard who tried to get near Carter's room. Daniel and Teal'c peeled off into their rooms. Carter waited a moment longer. I knew she was trying to find something to say about how I'd appointed myself her guardian. As much as I knew she didn't want anyone thinking she needed a man to look out for her, I could tell she was pleased that I did anyway. Eventually, she smiled before she closed her door.

The hall was dark and the place was silent and I was bored out of my mind. I lapsed into some sort of half conscious stupor as the hours passed. The next thing I knew, Carter was staring at me, her face mere inches from my own. I jerked from the shock of seeing her so close.

She was grinning. "Good thing they didn't come by to abduct me, sir."

I rubbed at my face and stretched my arms over my head. "What is it?"

"It's my watch." She laughed when I checked my watch. "Time flies when you're sleeping on the job, huh?"

"Yeah, well, see if I save you the next time Loh'ran wants to hold your hand."

"You didn't save me from it all day, sir, so it's not really much of a loss." She sat down across the hall and leaned on her closed door. "You don't have to protect me, you know."

I nodded. "I know."

"I could take Loh'ran and the rest of his buddies by myself, sir."

I nodded again. "I know."

She met my eyes for a moment as her lips turned upward slightly. "Thank you anyway."

I winked at her. "You're welcome." I met her eyes in the silence that followed. She was so close, only a foot away sitting against the opposite wall. Once again I was tempted to chuck it all and kiss her. She'd just thanked me for acting like an overprotective boyfriend - fairly solid evidence that she was as deep into our psychotic non-relationship as I was. "Good night, Carter."

I was just closing the door to my room when I heard footsteps. Carter stood up and we stood side by side as we waited for them to get closer. Loh'ran appeared a moment later. Carter let out a sigh of relief that it was only him and that he was alone. I was more annoyed that ever because he'd done exactly what I'd figured he'd do.

Loh'ran nodded at us, giving no indication that he hadn't expected to find us together in the hallway in the middle of the night. "I realized after I left you that none of you were provided dinner. I offer my apologies for being so inconsiderate. Please help yourselves." He held up a large basket, brimming with fruit-like objects. He must have seen how distrustful we were because he lifted out one of the items and took a bite. "See? It is quite safe." Neither of us moved and after a long, painful silence. Loh'ran set the basket on the floor and left us alone.

Carter's eyes fell on the basket, but she didn't move toward it. I smiled at her. "God, that looks good, doesn't it, Carter?"

She laughed. "I'm so hungry, sir."

I bent down, picked up the piece Loh'ran had taken a bite out of and handed it to her. "We know this one's safe." I grinned at her as I went into my room. "Night, Carter."

Her response was muffled by the mouthful of fruit. "Night, sir.


	4. Chapter Three

_AN: I love reviews! I love hearing what you guys think. I honestly don't think I've ever had so much fun writing a story!_

Chapter Three

The next thing I knew, someone was kicking at my door. I bolted up and swung open the door, demanding to know what the big emergency was. But upon a first look, there was no one there. I shook my head and turned around to go back to bed, but something grabbed my hand. I swung back around, my 9mm at the ready.

There was a startled squeak and then my hand was free again. I looked down in the direction of the squeak and saw a kid cowering in the doorway. Her face crumpled up and I knew the tears were coming. Oh, I so hated it when kids cried. Especially cute little blond ones. I ruffled her messy hair.

"Hey, it's ok. I didn't see you there."

Her chin was trembling and she began to sniffle. "It's dark."

"Are you lost, honey?"

She just looked up at me with her big blue eyes and whimpered. There was only one thing to do. I holstered my gun and scooped the girl into my arms. "Shush, it's all right, baby. Let's get Carter and then we can find your mommy and daddy."

She nodded eagerly. "Mommy and Daddy!"

I didn't even notice that the lost alien girl didn't speak the alien language. I took the two steps across the hall and knocked on Carter's door. She didn't answer and I wasn't about to barge in. I looked towards Teal'c's and Daniel's rooms, disappointed that some member of my team had neglected their duty. Had someone been watching, we'd at least know what direction the kid had come from. I knocked on Teal'c's door first because Daniel was no fun to wake.

If Teal'c was surprised to find me with a child in my arms, he didn't show it. "O'Neill."

The girl answered for me. "Hi!" Teal'c ignored her with a slightly irritated glare. He seemed like he didn't quite believe she was there.

"Did Carter call you when she was going to bed?" Teal'c usually followed Carter's watch.

"She did not." He looked at his watch. "It is still early. Her watch should not yet be complete."

"Yeah, well, she was in the hall when I went to sleep and no one's out here now."

"Perhaps Daniel Jackson can be of assistance."

"I was afraid you'd say that. Here." I handed the girl to Teal'c. He accepted her, but rather than holding her against his side, his arms stayed straight out in front of him, keeping her as far as possible from his body. She giggled and held her arms out in mid air. I started to laugh. Teal'c didn't have a clue, but the little girl just thought he was playing airplane. I didn't even notice then that the alien child knew how to play airplane which should have clued me in since the planet didn't have any airplanes. "Teal'c, don't tell me that's how you held your son when he was little."

"I was first prime of Apophis when Ry'ac was a child. There was little time to be at home until my son was much older than this. Raising children is women's work on Chulak."

"Don't ever let Carter hear you say that." I took the girl back into my arms. Her chubby arms wound around my neck and she nestled against me. As much as I hated to admit it, I was a sucker for kids. I really wanted to find Carter so she could be the one staring longingly at the precious girl and wishing she could keep it. I knocked on Daniel's door and, after several minutes, he opened it.

"What is it?" He yawned at me and then adjusted his glasses. "Jack, you have a little girl in your arms."

I smiled. "Yes, Daniel, I do. Where's Carter?"

He turned around and looked at his room. "She's not in here, Jack. Did you think she was?" He looked concerned, but I couldn't tell if it was because he really thought I expected Carter to be there or because he thought I was going to punch him for suggesting such a thing.

"I don't really care where Carter is, but I'd just like to find out why no one was keeping watch when this girl wandered down the hall." The girl let go of my neck and poked at Daniel's glasses, giggling to herself when he batted her hand away.

"Did you try Sam's room?"

"She didn't answer." Carter was a light sleeper, especially off-world and there was no way she'd missed my knock.

Nonetheless, I followed Daniel when he went and knocked. The little girl reached out and knocked on the wall. Daniel looked at me and shrugged. Then he opened the door, very slowly in case Carter was in there. He peeked inside and then looked at me, confusion and concern battling for control of his face. "Jack?"

The girl began to squirm and I set her down. "What, Daniel?"

"Uh, Jack-" He glanced inside the room again and looked back at me. Fear won out and he looked at me with sheer terror on his face. "Her clothes are in there, but she's not."

My heart dropped out of my chest. I don't know why I had to look for myself, but I surged past him. Sure enough, Carter's pants and jacket were crumpled in a heap next to the bed and Carter was nowhere to be found. I closed my eyes and found myself starting to panic, something I hadn't done in years. My mind was reeling with the possibility that something unspeakable had been happening to her while I was sleeping five feet away. I took a deep breath and willed myself back together. "We're going to tear this fucking place apart until we find her and then I'm going to kill the bastards that hurt her." Teal'c and Daniel didn't hesitate. They both ducked into their rooms for their weapons. I stood where I was, trying to force myself to stop shaking.

The little girl had climbed up onto Carter's bed and was jumping up and down on the mattress, squealing with each jump. I wasn't in the mood to watch a kid; I was in the mood to strangle someone. She stopped jumping and pointed at me. "You said a bad word!"

Teal'c and Daniel were at the door, awaiting my command. I didn't notice because I was too busy wondering how the little alien kid knew what a bad word was. She seemed awfully familiar, especially her giggle. My eyes locked on her big blue eyes. I noticed the way her hair fell in her face. I noticed the dimples when she smiled. I found myself thinking that if Carter had a daughter, that was exactly what she would look like. And I noticed the long black dress she was wearing - mostly that it wasn't a dress, but an adult's t-shirt.

I slumped back against the wall. "Oh my God."

Daniel looked at me. "Jack? Shouldn't we be looking for Sam?"

"Found her." I closed my eyes and shook my head. "She's right here."

Daniel looked around, trying to figure out what I was talking about. "I don't see her, Jack."

Teal'c peered over his shoulder. "Daniel Jackson is correct. Major Carter is not in this room."

I pointed at the bed. "That's her."

Daniel looked back and forth between me and Carter. Then he slowly approached her. "Hi. My name's Daniel. What's your name?" He stuck out his hand in what was probably a perfectly charming manner to her.

She reached out and shook it. "Sam."

I was too far away and Teal'c was too shocked to react when Daniel passed out. His head hit the floor with a loud thud. I shook my head. "That's going to hurt."

Teal'c stepped over Daniel and leaned down to inspect Carter. She shrank back from him. "Are you Samantha Carter?"

She stared up at him and her chin started to tremble.

"Teal'c, you're scaring her."

Teal'c looked annoyed. Well, as annoyed as he ever looks. "Would Samantha Carter not know me?"

"She's three, Teal'c. She doesn't know any of us." I stepped forward and held my arms out. Carter climbed back into them happily and stuck her thumb in her mouth. Instinctively, I reached out and pulled her hand away from her mouth. "Don't do that."

She pouted for a second and then her attention shifted to my sleeve. She pointed at my Air Force patch. "Daddy has this."

I squeezed my eyes closed. I was so not looking forward to telling Jacob I shrank his daughter. Not that I was directly responsible for it. Not that I actually had any idea how it had happened. But as I made my way back into the hall, my eyes fell on the abandoned fruit basket. The little serpent of a man had handed us fruit and I told Carter to eat it. My Sunday School teacher was probably rolling over in her grave. Yeah, I was definitely going to have to disappear before Jacob Carter ever caught wind of what had happened.


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. "We're leaving." I nudged Daniel with my boot until he sat up, rubbing the back of his head.

He looked up at me and his eyes fell on Carter. "Oh. She's still here."

She giggled and waved at him. "Daniel!"

"Yeah, that's me." He got to his feet slowly and stumbled slightly. I could tell he had a concussion, but it was the least of my problems at the moment. He kept his eyes on Carter like he didn't quite trust her. "What if they shrink the rest of us too?"

I didn't want to confess my folly with the forbidden fruit. "They won't. They were obsessed with Carter, remember?"

Teal'c interrupted us, doing something so out of character that I didn't know how to respond. He smiled and reached out to pat Carter's head. "Young Major Carter is quite adorable."

Daniel smiled. "Well, so is grown up Major Carter."

I couldn't help it - it just came out before I could stop it. "She's really not so much cute as she is hot."

Daniel looked appalled. "She's a kid, Jack!"

"Weren't we just talking about grown up Carter?"

Daniel shook his head and then winced, his head moving to the probably sizable lump he couldn't see.

Carter tugged on my collar. "My name is Carter."

I smiled stupidly at her. Teal'c was absolutely right. She was adorable. "Yes, I know."

"Are we going to see my Daddy?"

"Eventually. Unless I can get out of it."

"And mommy too?"

I turned my head, looking to Daniel for an idea of what to say. I wasn't about to tell her that her mommy was dead. Daniel looked away. Some help he was.

Luckily Teal'c saved the day. "Samantha Carter, you must be quiet. We must concentrate on escaping now."

Carter stared at Teal'c for a long moment and I could tell she was trying to decide if there would be any benefit in crying. Apparently she decided against it, leaning her head on my shoulder and sticking her thumb in her mouth.

Daniel smiled stupidly too. "She's so cute, Jack."

"Too damn cute, if you ask me."

Carter's head popped up. "You said a bad word!"

Daniel laughed. "I guess you're going to have to watch your language."

I sighed. I was a military man. The only reason I watched my language was to see just how colorful it could get. "Yeah, so, we were working on getting out of here."

"O'Neill, the doors are barricaded, are they not?"

"We're not waiting for sunrise. They'll be back for her before then."

Daniel continued to stare at Carter with a grin. "Do we know they're coming back for her?"

"They didn't do this for us, Daniel."

"True." He pondered the idea for a moment. "But didn't they just want to make her happy?" As if on cue, Carter giggled at something no one else noticed, let alone found amusing. "She seems happy to me."

I frowned at Daniel. "I'm so not happy, Daniel."

"So how are we going to get out again?"

"Let me think." I thought about it for a while. I didn't come up with anything. "Teal'c?"

"Perhaps we should try the door again."

I nodded. "Good idea. Teal'c, you take point. Daniel, you take the rear. And I'll take Carter, here." I jostled her jokingly and she rewarded me with a happy squeal. By the time we made it down the stairs, she was begging to play airplane. Unfortunately, we didn't have time to play and Carter was getting way too loud. "Ok, Sam, let's play a game."

She bounced in my arms with the force of her nod. "Yay!"

"We're going to play the quiet game. We're going to see who can be the most quiet for the longest time."

Carter slapped both hands over her mouth and nodded emphatically.

I grinned as I nodded at Teal'c. He carefully led the way through the halls back to the front door. He repeated my earlier attempt to get out and got much the same result. We moved on to the other two hallways, looking for an alternate route. We didn't find one. Fifteen minutes later, we were back at the base of the stairs. Amazingly, Carter hadn't uttered a peep. Her head was resting on my shoulder and her eyes were closed.

Daniel tried to peek over at her. "Is she asleep?"

I figured she was, but the moment he broke the silence, Carter's head shot up and she pointed at him.

Daniel grinned, totally sucked in by little Carter's charm. "I guess I lost the game, huh?"

She nodded and then put her head back against my shoulder. In that moment, I realized something that absolutely shocked me. I wanted to be a father again. After Charlie died, I never imagined that I would ever want to have such a weakness ever again. But I did. I wanted to be somebody's daddy. I wanted to have someone pad into my room in the middle of the night because she was afraid of the dark. I wanted to have a beautiful little girl curled up in my arms. And perhaps even more shocking, I realized I desperately wanted that little girl to bear a striking resemblance to Carter. I nearly dropped her out of my arms.

Teal'c perfect eyesight allowed him to pick out how pale I was even in the dim light. "O'Neill, are you ill? You do not look well."

"No, I'm fine."

Carter's head snapped back up and she started to giggle again. "I win!"

I clapped my hand over her mouth, but it was too late to stop her excited squeal. "Back upstairs!" We booked it back to our rooms, hoping we'd be long gone by the time anyone investigated the sound. We congregated in my room with Teal'c guarding the door.

"So what now, Jack?"

I set Carter down and plopped down on the bed. "I'm leery of using C-4."

Daniel looked shocked. "Did I hear that right? Why?"

I nodded at Carter who'd snuggled up against my side. "It'll scare her."

"You're going soft." Daniel sat down on the other side of her, but Carter didn't move away from me. I laughed to myself thinking that little Carter liked me to protect her too.

"Besides, we don't know how thick that concrete is. We could just wind up making them mad and still not be able to get out."

I watched as Carter slid onto the floor and began playing with the leg pockets on my pants. She found my yo-yo and thrust it in my face. "Play, please."

So cute. I smiled as I took it from her and put it back in my pocket. "Not right now, Sam."

She stomped her foot and scowled. "Play!"

"No."

"Play now!"

Sensing a temper tantrum, I stood up and ignored her. "What are the odds we missed a bright red exit sign somewhere?"

Daniel joined me in front of Teal'c. "I think we're officially stuck, Jack."

"If we are not in immediate danger, perhaps waiting for sunrise would be a good idea as Loh'ran suggested."

I nodded at Carter who'd wrapped herself around my knee in her best Smokey the Bear imitation. "One of us may be in immediate danger, Teal'c. We don't know what they did to her. There could be side effects."

Daniel pushed up his glasses. "A worse side effect than effectively stopping S-A-M from doing her job for the next thirty years? I'd say they got us pretty good."

"I can spell. You're talking about me."

The three of us looked down at the girl with the devilish glint in her eyes. She was too smart already. I looked at my teammates. "We're in trouble."

Carter tugged on my pant leg. "We're not escaping?"

I shook my head. "There's no way out. We'll have to wait until morning."

She shook her head and pointed behind me. "Why don't we go that way?"

I spun around and faced the window I hadn't paid any attention to. We were on the second floor, but it was looking like our best option. I smiled as I peered out it, looking for a possible escape route.

Daniel snickered at me, picking Sam up into his arms as I worked on the window. "Guess Loh'ran was right about kids and their brilliant ideas."

"No way. Carter always has the ideas. This is just a coincidence." There was no chance I was going to give any credit whatsoever to Loh'ran and his friends. Not after they reduced Carter to a giggling, squealing, snuggly kid. Don't get me wrong, I liked Carter as a kid, but if I had my choice, I'd rather have the adult Carter in my arms.


	6. Chapter Five

_AN: I've been trying to get this uploaded for two days... finally!Please read and review!_

Chapter Five

The options out the window weren't the best, but it was better than sitting there and waiting for Loh'ran to return. It was only the second floor and there was a ledge jutting out from the side of the building about halfway down. The outside of the building was textured as well. No, it was a far cry from the optimum situation, but I hadn't really expected there would be a fire escape.

"This'll have to do, guys." I looked back at Daniel and Teal'c. They nodded in agreement. Then my eyes fell on Carter. She was still in Daniel's arms, amusing herself by trying on his glasses. I squeezed my eyes closed. There was no way I could expect her to scale the side of the building. I pulled her away from Daniel and handed his glasses back to him. It wasn't that I didn't trust Daniel, it was just that if anyone was going to take responsibility for getting Carter down safely, it was going to be me.

"Ok, Teal'c, you go first. Then you can help guide Daniel down. That way you're both down there in case she needs a net."

Teal'c painstakingly made his way down. Although he moved slowly, he still made it look easy. I hoped Daniel realized that it wasn't as easy as it looked - Teal'c was just incredibly strong. Daniel looked at me as he backed over the edge of the window.

"Here goes nothing."

Carter and I leaned out to watch him carefully pick his way down. He lost his grip towards the bottom, but Teal'c was waiting to help him. That left Carter and I. My instincts told me that it would be better for her to be behind me so I could have better use of my arms, but I couldn't trust a three-year-old to hold on. I knew I couldn't trust myself to hold her while I was trying to climb either. I zipped her inside my jacket. It was a tight fit with both of us in it, but I hoped that would keep her more secure.

I looked at her and prayed my fear wasn't showing; I didn't want to terrify the poor thing. "Ready, Sam?" She nodded. "Ok, you know what to do?"

She nodded again and I felt her arms and legs wind around me inside my jacket. "Hold on tight."

"Good girl." I smiled at Teal'c and Daniel, trying to appear every bit as cool and confident as I would have been had I not been carrying precious cargo. Then I started my descent.

It was very slow going. I felt like I was barely hanging on, but I couldn't get a better grip without crushing Carter. For her part, she was very good. She didn't move a muscle or make a sound, not even when I did actually lose the grip I had with one hand which left us hanging precariously ten feet from the ground. I was shaking when I managed to get back on track and fairly certain I was having a heart attack.

When my feet finally touched the ground, I wanted to kneel down and thank God. I looked down, checking to see why Carter had been so well behaved. Amazingly enough, she was sound asleep. Her arms and legs had loosened slightly, but she was still tucked close inside my jacket. I figured it was the best place for her at the time as we crept around to the front of the building.

Noises ahead of us caught my attention. There was a patrol of hole-punch wielding aliens marching past. We ducked around the corner and took a moment to regroup.

Teal'c spoke first. "Perhaps they have been alerted to our escape."

I shook my head. "They weren't looking for anything. They were just patrolling."

"Maybe that's why they don't have crime. They're under martial law." Daniel looked sickened by the idea. "They seemed like such a wonderful society."

I glared at him. "Why are you more disappointed that they're liars than you are about the fact that Carter has been reduced to this?" I motioned toward the lump in my jacket which had shifted around to suck her thumb in her sleep.

Daniel was charmed by the sight and forgot about the question I'd asked. "At least you know she really does trust you."

"It doesn't take much to win a kid's trust. I didn't leave her alone in the dark hallway. That's all it means." I thought I was doing an admirable job of blowing off how important it was to me that, even as a child, Carter gravitated to me rather than Daniel.

Daniel was my friend and I knew there was nothing between he and Carter, but there were always things that made me nervous. They had so much in common. They had that same sunny outlook on life that irritated me to no end. They had way too many years of education between them. They always knew how to be tactful and diplomatic no matter how angry they got. They both allowed themselves to feel the emotions that I tamped down within myself. And the one thing that drove me absolutely crazy - he wasn't in the military so there were no rules that kept them from expressing their affection for one another. Thankfully, the only vibe I'd ever seen them express toward one another was like that of brother and sister. Even so, I liked that baby Carter picked me.

I watched as a second patrol passed in front of us. It was going to be very difficult to get through the city undetected if we'd already seen two patrols less than five minutes apart. I wondered if Daniel would gloat if he knew that I'd just thought of it as a city. "Ok, we'll time until the next patrol. Then once we know how long we have, we'll make a run for it."

Teal'c nodded and glanced at his watch. "Perhaps this area is more heavily guarded to protect the sleeping quarters of the townspeople."

We counted three minutes before the next patrol went passed. As soon as they were out of sight, I stood up and began creeping along the building, set on reaching the road before anyone caught us. Daniel and Teal'c followed. They both had their weapons drawn. I was holding mine as well, but it would be awkward if I needed to fire it. We ducked down on the other side of the road to wait for the next patrol.

Daniel put his gun in the holster. "Jack, you should give Sam to me. You're more useful in a firefight than I am."

He had a point. Even after so many years of getting shot at, there was only so much Daniel could do with a gun and most of it involved a great deal of luck. But I was reluctant to give up Carter. I shook my head. "She's sleeping. Let her be. It's easier to move without her talking."

"She's awake, Jack."

Sure enough, when I glanced down, I met Carter's blue eyes. She was playing with my dogtags, winding them around her fingers and wrist and generally amusing herself quietly. So she was awake. I still wasn't about to let her go. "She's fine, Daniel."

"Jack, if someone shoots at you, you won't be able to fire back."

"And you'll be able to fire if you're holding her?"

"I can't aim anyway. You'll do better shooting for both of us than I will."

Teal'c's eyes moved between us. "This is not the time for such a discussion."

Daniel nodded. "Exactly. Hand her over, Jack."

"No!" I couldn't believe Daniel and I were fighting over who got to carry Carter. It would have been hysterical, had I not been so damn obsessed with carrying her myself.

"Jack?" Carter was evidently through with the dogtags.

"Ha! So you do know my name!" I grinned at poor little confused Carter. "What?"

"What about them?"

I turned around to follow where she was pointing past me. Loh'ran's three friends were approaching us. We had our weapons trained on them, but they didn't seem to care. Probably because they didn't know our weapons were more effective than their office supplies. "I wonder what happened to Loh'ran."

Daniel nodded at the group of three. "He's right there."

I looked back and realized there was a fourth - a small child held in the arms of one of the others. I shook my head. "Dumbass was so busy trying to shrink Carter that he accidentally shrunk himself."

Daniel shook his head. "I don't think it was an accident."

"Huh?" Sometimes I could swear that man was on a different page than I was.

"I think he intended for himself and Carter to grow up together."

Carter's arms tightened around my neck and I could feel her shaking. I rubbed her back with one hand and steadied my weapon with the other. "It's ok, Sam. You'll be fine."

She only whimpered in response. She was more open to displaying her feelings at three, so it was obvious that she felt the same way about the men as the grown up Carter had. I felt guilty for not realizing just how scared Carter had been of them. But then I remembered that I had known it - I'd seen it in the way she inexplicably cowered behind me and that was why I'd been outside her door and ready to shoot. I'd let her down. I was responsible for what had happened to her; she never would have taken food from Loh'ran if I hadn't told her it was ok.

I dropped my P-90 and held my 9mm instead. I could fire it one-handed. My other hand curled protectively around Carter. I aimed my gun right at the face of the man who took the lead. I would die before I let them have her. "Stay back or we'll shoot."

"We have come for Samantha. We have no business with the rest of you. You are free to go." He took another step forward.

"Back off." My hand smoothed Carter's hair, trying to calm her. Her quiet whimpers were killing me. I could feel her shaking against me and I hated them for doing that to her.

"Loh'ran has chosen Samantha as his mate. She must come with us now."

"Like hell." I fired a warning shot into the air, probably alerting every single patrol in the place that something was amiss. Carter's tiny hands gripped my shirt in fear. I moved my face down next to hers. "It's ok. I'll protect you." I didn't know if she believed me or not, but she tucked her cheek against my neck. I could feel her tears on my skin and I felt the strongest urge to kill that I ever had.

Teal'c must have sensed it. "You will tell us how to undo what you have done to Major Carter."

The leader ignored Teal'c demand. "The change is permanent. She will age normally from this point on." He looked back at his friends for a moment. "Samantha Carter will come with us now. She is no use to you in her current state. Leave her."

I could hear the patrols approaching. We were out of time. Carter's only hope was Dr. Frasier and that was only if we could get her back home. I aimed carefully at the leader's shoulder. "Over my dead body."

The leader smiled. "That can be arranged."


	7. Chapter Six

_AN: Thanks for the reviews! They make my day... and I need them after the day I had!_

Chapter Six

The patrols opened fire and, much to my dismay, the wooden hole punches turned out to be laser weapons of some sort. Teal'c and Daniel immediately returned fire at the patrols. I fired one clean shot into the leader's shoulder. He didn't flinch. I didn't wait around to see what sort of magical powers he had that rendered him impervious to pain. I gave to order to run for cover.

The woods weren't that far off, but we had to stop a few times along the way to return fire. I gave up on my handgun and turned back to the P-90. Carter was holding on for dear life and, although I could barely hear her wail of terror over the noise of the gun, I knew it was there. By the time we were tearing through the forest, dodging laser blasts, my confidence in my decision was sorely bruised. I'd started to wonder if I could possibly keep Carter safe. It even occurred to me that she might have been safer going with Loh'ran's goons.

Luckily, as we ran deeper into the forest, it became clear that the patrols were not trained for combat outside of their town. They were still pursuing us, but their shots were few and far between and even those seemed random. We stopped in a particularly dense cluster of trees to regroup.

"Are we sure we're going in the right direction?" I hadn't forgotten the miserable march to the town that morning. I didn't want to spend hours running in circles through the woods.

Teal'c nodded. "I have verified our path with the GPS device. We are on target for the Stargate."

"Jack, Sam's awfully quiet. Is she ok?"

I looked down, ashamed to realize that I'd been so wrapped up in running since the firefight had died down that I hadn't even thought to check on her. I could only see the top of her head. She'd ducked down into my jacket.

At the mention of her name, her head slowly peeked out. "Jack?"

"She looks like a turtle!" Daniel started to laugh.

Carter tucked her head back down and I smiled. I had fond memories of Charlie being so young that closing his eyes meant the danger went away. I patted her back through my jacket. "We're going home, Sam. Go back to sleep."

We made it back to the gate relatively quickly, considering the terrain and the fact that it was pitch dark. Carter started to squirm and I figured she was about done with being contained, but there was no way we would survive if we went at a three-year-old's pace. Not to mention the thick blanket of thorns that covered the ground. I'd been stuck in the leg several times by the exceedingly long things and I wasn't about to put Carter through that.

Daniel began dialing home. I had my hand on my GDO, just waiting for the second the gate opened. Teal'c stood with his back to us, prepared for an attack as soon as the open gate gave away our position. Carter began squirming something fierce. I figured she was pretty much stuck where she was, so I didn't pay any attention to her.

Unfortunately, in her attempts to free herself, she realized that the bottom of my jacket was not sealed and, after accidentally kicking me in the ribs, she managed to shimmy her way loose. I didn't even realize what she'd done until I felt the sudden rush of cold air in my newly loose jacket.

"Damn it! Sam!"

She hadn't moved far from where she'd fallen and I assumed she'd either hurt herself or was stunned by the drop. Just as I reached down to grab her, the gate roared to life. Sam's eyes opened wide in terror. I watched as her face crumbled, almost in slow motion, and she began to scream. Her scream was deafening, especially since I was doubled over to lift her. I froze for a second, contemplating how much damage had been done to my hearing.

A second was all she needed to run for it. And damn, she was quick for a three-year-old. I hollered at Daniel to send through the code and hold the gate open for us. I knew there wouldn't be time to redial; the patrols were probably already closing in on us.

Luckily, I was tall enough to make up the distance in only a few strides. I grabbed her arm to pull her with me, but in true tantrum fashion, she dropped to the ground and started to wail again. Honestly, screaming children have always put me on edge, even more so when they choose inopportune times to do so. Seriously, if a kid wants to scream and yell at the grocery store, fine, whatever. But I had no patience for Carter at that moment because people were once again shooting at us and had plenty of light, thank you Stargate, to aim very well. I put myself between her and the patrols and grabbed her arms.

She promptly leaned over and bit me. I guess she'd learned that one young.

She got a taste of her own medicine at that point; I let out a scream that probably woke the dead. I swear, there's something about kid teeth - they're the sharpest damn things in the entire universe. I pulled my hand free just as a blast passed inches over my head.

"Samantha, this is not the time. Get up!" At the time, I didn't even feel bad for yelling at her. She was actively trying to get all four of us killed.

Teal'c was doing his best to cover us, but the patrols were coming at us from all sides. "O'Neill, we must hurry."

"Jack, what are you doing over there?" Daniel's voice sounded annoyed.

I grabbed Carter, ignoring her kicking and screaming and the pain in my hand. The girl had actually drawn blood. "What the hell do you think I'm doing, Daniel?" She was putting up one hell of a fight for a kid; I would have been amazed, except that it was so damn frustrating. "Carter, I do not have time to deal with your water phobia." I came dangerously close to losing my grip on her and I feared she was actually going to get free again. "Damn it, Carter, if you stop it, you can have cake for breakfast. How's that sound?"

Carter's screams only got louder as we got closer to the gate; I didn't think she even heard my attempt at negotiation. She wasn't offering up very many actual words, mostly just terrified screams, but I did finally catch one - drown. She thought she was going to drown. Or that I was going to drown her. Either way, it was unfounded, but I didn't have time to comfort her. I just took one of her hands and told Daniel to take the other. The patrols were closing around us and Carter's screams finally stopped.

I looked down at her, feeling my gut twisting at the sight of her so scared that she couldn't even scream anymore. She was clutching desperately at my hand and I knew she was doing the same to Daniel. I didn't want to destroy the trust that she'd so blindly placed in me. "Close your eyes, baby."

"O'Neill!"

I didn't hear the rest as Daniel and I pulled Carter through the gate. Teal'c was half a second behind us. I heard the iris slide closed behind us and let out a sigh. The resounding silence was a wonderful change from just moments before. Too bad the nightmare was going to continue. I could only thank God that we'd gotten through without any injuries. My eyes slipped down to Carter and I mentally corrected myself. At least, we'd gotten through without any fatal injuries.


	8. Chapter Seven

_AN: Oh, it was yet another happy day at my job. Maybe I should call in sick tomorrow... at least I'd have time to write!_

Chapter Seven

General Hammond looked so natural with a child in his arms that I nearly forgot the child was Carter. As soon as she got un-shrunk, I was so going to bust her chops over "Uncle G."

"Colonel, what in God's name happened on that planet?"

I raised my hands in resignation. "I really don't know, sir. Things went from bad to worse."

"Are you injured?" He nodded at my hand and, incidentally, at the blood that was running down it.

"She bit me." I realized I sounded like a kid myself when I said it, but I couldn't help it.

"Report to the infirmary, all of you. We'll debrief in an hour." The general turned away, talking quietly to Carter. He turned back to face me. "Why did she bite you, Colonel?"

"I was trying to cajole her to go through the gate." I looked at my injured hand; she'd done some damage, but I imagined I'd live. "She really didn't want anything to do with it."

"I guess not. She's terrified of water." He glanced at Carter and I could tell he was trying to decide what he should tell me. Apparently being her CO, I merited an explanation. "She fell in the swimming pool and almost drowned."

And suddenly, I felt very, very guilty. "She definitely deserves some sympathy, then, sir." Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Daniel hanging his head too. I reassured myself that we hadn't exactly had a choice but to force her through and it didn't seem that the experience had any lasting effect on Carter. She already seemed to have forgotten all about it. I turned to Daniel and Teal'c. "Let's go see Doc Frasier." I took two steps down the ramp before I thought better of it. "Sir? Shouldn't the major pay a visit to the infirmary as well?"

"It's probably a good idea." He squatted down and set Carter on her feet. "Why don't you go with Jack? I'll have your breakfast all ready for you when you come back."

Her sweet little voice rang out, not giving the slightest indication that she'd been raising holy hell a few minutes earlier. "Jack said I could have cake."

Hammond shook his head at me. "I'll just bet he did."

Carter stood up on her tiptoes and kissed the general on the cheek. Once again, all the faces in the room smiled at the adorable child as she scampered across the floor and attached herself to my leg.

"C'mere, Carter." I reached down and picked her up. She must have forgiven me for all that business with the gate because she was sound asleep a minute later.

We ducked into the infirmary and climbed up onto the stretchers to wait for the doctor. Carter was out cold, but I didn't put her down. Somehow, it was as soothing for me as it evidently was for her. I heard Dr. Frasier's cheerful voice chatting with Daniel and Teal'c. Teal'c was uninjured, so his exam was quick. It was our little SG-1 tradition that the uninjured went first - so they could get out of there as soon as possible. Daniel was next and I listened mutely as he played down the lump on the back of his head and completely left out the loss of consciousness. He was freed with some ibuprofen for the headache. Normally, I would have been jealous when they headed out to shower and change, but I wasn't. I imagined it had something to do with the fact that I still had a very snugly Carter attached to me.

Dr. Frasier rounded the half-drawn curtain next to my bed. "So, let's see yo-" She stopped short, blinking repeatedly at Carter. It looked like she was checking to see if her contacts had slipped out of place. "Colonel?"

I smiled. "Yes?"

She looked around for help as she mentally sorted through the laundry list of questions in her head. "So, you were wounded?" I nodded, holding up my hand. "A human bite?" I nodded again. "That's about the filthiest thing that can happen to a person. You'll need antibiotics."

I shrugged. "She's not filthy." The way Janet sad it seemed like a terrible reflection on Carter's dental hygiene.

She stopped her analysis of my hand. "Who bit you?"

"Carter."

"Major Carter? Sam Carter?" She looked confused. "I thought it was this child, which, by the way, I'm hoping to hear an explanation of."

I grinned. "Major Carter bit me. She's just not Major Carter yet." I shook Carter gently and was rewarded by her sleepy eyes blinking open. "Sam, this is my friend Janet. Janet, meet Sam." Suddenly very shy, Carter buried her face in my jacket. "Sam, can Janet take a look at you?"

One glance at Janet revealed that she'd been bitten by the 'damn, Carter's adorable' bug that got the rest of us. "Oh, Colonel, she's so sweet!" She reached out and raked her fingers through Carter's untamed hair. The action only made Carter's cute little blond curls stick out more. Carter turned slightly and sized Janet up. Janet pulled her stethoscope loose and held it out. "Do you want to listen to something funny?" Carter nodded, eyes wide with excitement. Janet put the stethoscope in Carter's ears and held it up to her chest. "That's your heart beating, Sam."

Carter's gleeful grin indicated to the rest of us that, if nothing else, she wasn't a robot version of Carter. "Now you!" Carter thrust the bottom of the stethoscope at me, attempting to hear my heartbeat through my shoulder. I corrected the placement and Carter gave me another huge grin upon hearing my heartbeat.

While Carter was distracted with listening to everything within reach, Dr. Frasier gave her a fairly thorough exam. Then she bandaged my hand. "Colonel, I'm going to need to draw some blood from her." She nodded at Carter and I winced.

"Is that absolutely necessary?" I was already fairly certain I was at least partially deaf from Carter's screams earlier.

"I'm afraid so, Colonel." She didn't look any happier about it than I did. "That's one of the reasons I stayed in the military, sir. After my peds rotation in med school, I knew I didn't have the heart to make kids cry, even if it was to make them better."

"Make it quick. And let me warn you - this kid has a set of lungs on her."

Ten minutes, and a few sincere wishes for earplugs later, Carter was nursing a sore arm which had been soothed greatly by the Scooby-Doo bandage. Carter was sniffling disconsolately and holding her arm as if it had been damaged beyond repair. At least the screaming had stopped and I was grateful for that.

I needed to shower and change and I needed to do it quickly or risk being late for the briefing. Janet tried to help me out by keeping Carter while I was busy, but Carter wasn't about to forgive her for her transgression with the needle. So I sought out Daniel, who was reading quietly in his lab.

"Hey, look, Sam, there's Danny. How about you play with some of Danny's stuff? I'll be right back." I set her down, expecting her to go nuts in Daniel's mess of crap - or artifacts, as he would say.

She looked back and me and clutched the leg of my pants. "No."

I had to seriously fight back the urge to say 'no, sir.' Then I remembered that I couldn't really expect that from her just yet. "Sam, if you play with Danny for a few minutes, then you can have your cake."

She gave the proposition far more consideration than I'd ever known a three-year-old to give anything. She cocked her head to the side. "Chocolate cake?"

I grinned. "Absolutely."

She let go of my pants. "Kay." Then she wandered over to where Daniel was sitting.

He was quite annoyed that he had to babysit. "Jack, there are some irreplaceable artifacts in here! It's not the place for a kid!"

"Hey, you're the one who wanted to hold her so bad. Now's your chance." I walked away before he could argue more. I made it to the elevator before I heard a crash which was immediately followed by Daniel's loud cursing. Pressing the door close button repeatedly, I swore to myself that I didn't hear a hysterical wail of my name.


	9. Chapter Eight

_AN: Ok, I had an absolute ball writing this part. And Saz, you were right. I should have stayed home sick.Work was worse than I thought... Please read and review. I'm dying to know if anyone else gets a kick out of this chapter!_

Chapter Eight

Fifteen minutes later, I was clean and relatively comfortable - except for the clammy feeling of my hand under the bandage that I'd accidentally gotten wet. I climbed the stairs to the briefing room slowly, a very atypical move for me, but I wanted to size up the situation. Part of me feared that General Hammond had already managed to summon Jacob Carter in the ten minutes I couldn't hear the alarms while I was in the shower. Thankfully, he wasn't there. I saw Daniel, who was still pouting over whatever it was Carter had broken. Teal'c was there as well and I saw a distinct gleam of humor in his eyes. Dr. Frasier was sitting in my normal seat next to the general. Carter was nowhere in sight. I panicked for a moment, wondering what Daniel had done to her.

I climbed the rest of the steps and took my seat at the far end of the table, nodding respectfully at Hammond while subtly checking the blind corners of the room for a Tok'ra lying in wait. Teal'c nodded at me. Daniel glared and then went back to pouting. Dr. Frasier smiled.

Hammond nodded back at me. "Jack, if you would, give me a brief synopsis."

"Jack!" The delighted squeal drowned out my groan. My eyes fell on the chair on the opposite side of General Hammond. It almost looked empty, except for a tousled blond head and two wide blue eyes that just barely peeked over the edge of the table. I noticed the plate in front of her with a smear of chocolate icing. For all my promises, I was truly surprised that someone had given the girl cake. She was, after all, far more energetic than any of us on a good day and perhaps offering her sugar wasn't the brightest move.

Unrestrained by rules and regulations regarding how one should address one's CO, Carter clambered up onto the conference table and ran across its surface, stumbling slightly over the folder in front of Daniel, and jumped into my lap. Daniel glared at her again, as though she'd stepped on his papers on purpose. I could only grin; it had been a long time since anyone had been so happy to see me. But Carter's enthusiastic welcome was hardly over. She wrapped her arms around my neck and practically strangled me while she placed a loud, sloppy kiss on my cheek.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. Daniel even managed to look mildly amused. Dr. Frasier hid behind the file folder she'd suddenly become engrossed in while having a coughing fit that sounded suspiciously like laughter.

General Hammond smiled and looked around the table. "At least we know it's really her."

I'd never in my life been so mortified. I wanted to die. I choked on the lump in my throat. "Excuse me, General?"

In true general fashion, he opted not to answer me and instead requested that I explain why I had a bundle of unbridled joy named Carter bouncing happily in my lap. I explained as best I could, censoring myself at several points so as to not reveal my overprotective, un-CO-like feelings during the mission. Carter amused herself for most of the conversation, completely ignoring her name the umpteen times it was mentioned. It seemed that the Velcro cover on my watch provided her with nearly unceasing amazement.

Unfortunately, she was still Carter and therefore always looking for bigger and better things. And being Carter, she remembered where my yo-yo had been stashed in my other pants and went fishing in that same pocket in my new pants to find it. And being myself, there was, of course, a yo-yo there for her to find.

She held it up in front of my face. "Play please."

I grinned. "Sam."

Sam's eyes widened and she looked endearingly bashful. "Excuse me, Jack. Play please."

I don't think any of us could help it; we all started laughing. Luckily her polite words distracted General Hammond from reprimanding me for carrying a yo-yo. When I recovered my voice, I gently took the toy from her and put it back in my pocket. "Later."

Carter pouted and sat down in my lap. I thought she was just going to settle down. Apparently she was just looking for another opportunity. She began to wiggle and I took the opportunity when the general and Dr. Frasier were discussing something to ask Carter what was wrong.

"Down." I set her down, wondering how she could go from being articulate and well-spoken to mono-syllabic without warning. I chalked it up to the three-year-old prerogative. I kept one eye on Carter and half a mind on the discussion. Carter walked around the table and tugged on Teal'c sleeve.

He looked down at her and then looked at me. I shrugged. He looked back at her. "Yes, child?"

She just clawed at his knee, unable to climb up herself. Teal'c looked at me again and I realized he was checking for my permission since I'd refused to let Daniel have her earlier. I nodded my consent. Once Carter was in his lap, I stopped paying any attention to the general and tried to figure out just what Carter was up to.

She carefully situated herself so that she was straddling one of Teal'c knees. Then she smiled and braced her hands on the table. "Giddy-up!"

I actually fell out of my chair from laughing so hard. Daniel was howling with laughter. Janet was bright red. Hammond was gasping for air. I knew right then that action was one Carter would never live down. Even the airmen guarding the door had doubled over. Teal'c remained impassive.

When we'd once again regained most of our composure, Teal'c turned to me, ignoring the fact that Carter was still very much waiting for him to giddy-up. "O'Neill, please remove the child from my leg."

I did as requested, biting back my laughter. I set Carter on my knee and obediently began bouncing my leg, setting off a series of happy giggles from Carter. "Teal'c, don't kids play horsey on Chulak?"

Teal'c looked at me, confusion, concern, and finally distaste washing over his face. He turned to General Hammond. "Is this not improper behavior for an adult male and young girl?"

Daniel choked on the mouthful of water, spraying it across the conference table. "No, Teal'c. Kids play horsey."

Teal'c looked at me and then at Carter who was bouncing happily. "I firmly believe that this behavior is strange."

"Teal'c, Carter's a freakin' three-year-old. What part of this isn't strange?" I felt no small amount of pride in myself for my outburst that hadn't contained any four-letter words.

"Should not the child be made to rest?" Teal'c had a perfectly valid point. If there was one universal truth in the galaxy, I'd put money on it being that all children get cranky when they're tired.

"I'm not sure ordering her to go home and get some rest will work this time." I thought about it for a second. "In fact, I don't think it's ever worked." I tapped her on the shoulder. "Are you sleepy, Sam?" She solemnly shook her head. I shrugged at anyone who was looking.

The general cleared his throat. "Ok, well, Major Carter never has needed any sleep, however, I think we should try to keep this briefing on track for the rest of us who've been up nearly twenty-four hours and actually do require rest." He turned to Dr. Frasier. "What did your examination reveal?"

Janet cleared her throat while she looked over the papers in front of her. "Sam appears to be in perfect health. Most of the blood work will take a few more hours. I ran a full DNA comparison and that won't be back until tomorrow afternoon."

Hammond nodded. "She should probably stay on base until those tests are completed."

"Might I suggest, sir, that Carter stay on base until she has something else to wear too?" I thought the t-shirt was cute, but I imagined people outside the mountain might feel differently.

Carter turned around and looked at me. "Jack? What's DNA?"

"It's - uh - well-" I bit my lip. I knew what it was; I just couldn't explain it, certainly not to a kid. "It's a twisty ladder thing."

Daniel leaned forward with his know-it-all grin and I fought the urge to remind him that his degree was in old, half-worn away, broken clay jars and stuff, not in something real like Carter's. "Actually, Sam, it's a way for Janet here to make sure that you're really you."

I saw the look on Carter's face and began making swiping motions at my throat. I hadn't gotten my hands on any earplugs and she was about to go off again.

"Why do you have to do that?" I had to give her credit, she was holding herself together better than I would have.

And then Teal'c had to speak up. "Because I believe you may be a clone."

Carter turned to me, chin trembling, tears welling. "I hate clowns!" She latched onto my neck and started screaming again.

I patted her back and gave both men my stern, 'you've pissed off your boss' look. "It's ok, Sam." I pulled the yo-yo out. "Hey, look, you want to watch?"

Distracted, Sam shook her head and watched as I did an incredibly poor job of showing her what a yo-yo was supposed to do. For all the years of carrying it around, I hadn't actually had much time to perfect the art.

It was several minutes before I noticed that the room was ridiculously quiet except for Carter's laughter. I looked up and overheard Hammond's comment about how good I was with Carter.

Daniel laughed. "I think it's because they're on the same intellectual level for once."

Just for that, I accidentally beaned him with the yo-yo. At least Carter seemed to think it was funny.

The general cleared his throat and I could tell his patience with the briefing that wasn't all that brief nor particularly helpful had worn thin. "I think I can find a solution for the clothing issue." He went into his office and a moment later, his voice sounded over the intercom, requesting that someone on the base with a young child report to the briefing room.

Sergeant Harriman appeared only a moment later. "Sir?"

The general smiled at the success of his plan. "Sergeant, how old is your kid?"

"I have four of them, sir, but my youngest daughter is four."

The general's smile widened. "Sergeant, please go home, gather a few days worth of her clothes and report back to Colonel O'Neill with them ASAP. You'll be reimbursed."

Walter's eyes turned on me, stopping at the blond in my lap. "Maj-" He shook his head. "Yes, sir." I heard him babbling to himself on his way down the stairs about how he'd never realized that Major Carter had a daughter. He must not have noticed that she'd come through the gate with us nor had he noticed that Major Carter had not. I had a sick feeling that the fact that Carter's "daughter" was sitting in my lap was going to create rumors regarding the paternity of said child that I would never see the end of.

"Colonel, I expect you to keep an eye on her until we can get this matter straightened out."

My mind stuck on his order, wondering exactly how I was going to follow it, since Carter was easily smarter than me, even at three. "Yes, sir." I'd just have to find a way.

"Since we don't appear to be getting anywhere, let's just call it a night. We'll try again after everyone's had some rest." The general stood up while everyone else gathered their papers. "Jack, take the major to your quarters and put her to bed."

I was trying to figure out how I could get an energetic child to go to sleep, but the snickers from my so-called friends drew my attention to the wording of his request. I met his eyes and found a look of horror on my COs face. I grinned. "It's ok, sir. I'll forget I heard that."

He nodded as the red tinge in his cheeks began to fade. "And I trust you won't be quite so affectionate with her once she's an adult again." He turned away with a smile.

I opened my mouth to protest, but there was nothing to say. Carter had snuggled back against me and I was holding her protectively. I shook my head and tried to remember that it was Carter, my second in command. But somehow, that just made me want to hold her closer.


	10. Chapter Nine

_AN: Sorry this one took so long... I've been crazy busy. Please let me know what you think! I live for reviews!_

Chapter Nine

I borrowed a spare blanket and pillow from the infirmary and made myself a bed on the floor. I tucked Carter into the center of the bed; she was asleep before her head hit the pillow. Checking my watch as I settled onto the floor, I realized it was nearly four. I closed my eyes and hoped Carter would be so tired from the excitement that she'd sleep for a while. I was exhausted and I needed rest if I was going to have to keep up with her.

I have to give the Air Force credit - they know how to build rooms that are pretty much soundproof. I'd spent a fair number of nights in my quarters and had never once been woken up by the alarms. Until that day. I stayed where I was with my arm draped across my eyes, wondering why it was so loud. I wondered why I could hear the voices of random people walking by. I wondered why it was so cold since it was normally stifling.

I opened my eyes and found Daniel standing in the doorway. He was grinning; evidently he didn't need much sleep. I scowled. "What?"

"Do you always sleep with the door open?"

I looked around, wondering for a moment why I was sleeping on the floor. Then my eyes fell on the barely disturbed bed. The barely disturbed, very empty bed. "Where's Carter?"

Unfortunately, Daniel chose the same moment to speak. "Where's Sam?"

"Oh, no." Her absence, coupled with the damn alarms, sent a cold shiver down my spine. I ran past Daniel and all the way to the control room. And there, sitting in Walter's chair, playing with the dialing computer, was Carter. Everyone else looked either irritated or scared, mostly depending on whether they were looking at her or me. And of course the personnel who probably should have noticed Carter looked scared as well. Carter kept putting her hand in the scanner, opening and closing the iris repeatedly. Apparently, it matched prints regardless of their size. I made a mental note to mention that to Carter when she grew up.

I tried to fight a smile as I plucked Carter out of her chair. "There's the little trouble maker!"

She squealed, obviously happy that I was awake. "Jack!"

General Hammond didn't look happy when he walked in. "Will it stop doing that?" He was, naturally, referring to the iris, which continued to open and close on its own long after Carter's hand was removed.

"I don't know, sir. I'd say ask Carter-" I glanced at the giggling beauty in my arms. "But somehow I doubt she can help."

"Her father is on the other end of that wormhole. We sent a message through for him to wait for a signal before he came through, but we can't be sure he got it."

"Aw, did you have to go and call him?" I kind of liked breathing, which would probably be difficult after Jacob strangled me.

"I obviously can't count on you to watch her, Jack. How did she manage to lose you?"

"I was sleeping. She must have stolen my card and let herself out." I looked at her and saw my badge peeking out of the pocket on her shirt. "Did we get anywhere with the clothes for her?" I snagged my card while Carter was distracted by Walter who was amusing both of them making fish faces.

"Sergeant Harriman said he couldn't find you so he left them with Dr. Frasier."

"Actually, sirs, I tried knocking." He paused long enough to steal Carter's nose, sending her into another round of delighted squeals. It was refreshing to see Carter so genuinely happy. "There was no answer, so I thought Dr. Frasier might hold them."

"Thank you." My eyes fell on the finally still iris. "Considering that Jacob is on his way, I should probably get her dressed." If there was one thing I dreaded facing more than Carter's father with Carter injured, it was facing Carter's father with Carter half-dressed. Even if it did hang down to her ankles, the t-shirt wasn't exactly ideal - especially with the way she tended to wrap herself around me. Hammond nodded at me, a knowing smile on his face. I figured he wouldn't be surprised if I sent Carter back with Daniel and hid until Jacob was gone.

As I walked to Janet's office, I glared at Carter. "Why'd you sneak out on me? Were you trying to get me in trouble?"

Carter grinned at me. "I had to go."

"Go where."

"Go."

"Oh." Yeah, on second thought, it was just as well that she didn't wake me for that because I was so not helping Carter in the bathroom. She'd never forgive me.

I poked my head in the infirmary. "Doc?"

Janet emerged from her office. "I hear you had an escapee this morning."

I grimaced, wondering how it was that the entire base had to know every time I screwed up yet I got little credit when I didn't. "Jacob's on his way, provided someone's attempt to break the iris didn't work."

"I didn't break it."

I grinned and Janet laughed. "Anyway, I thought she should be dressed for the occasion."

Janet nodded. "Come on, Sam, I've got some stuff for you."

Carter practically jumped into Janet's arms. "Toy stuff?"

"No, sorry. It's clothes." Janet tried to make it sound exciting.

Carter reached out for me. She was pouting, thinking that she'd been had. "Jack!"

"Sam, I'll be right here."

She pouted, but went with Janet anyway. A few minutes later, she reappeared, looking perfectly adorable in jeans that were hopelessly too long, a pink t-shirt, and a pair of sneakers that were obviously too big. Somehow she was just as cute as she'd been in her oversized t-shirt. I was fairly certain it had something to do with those dimples of hers which she displayed much more often at three. Or maybe it was the tiny pigtails Janet had arranged on either side of her head.

"Colonel O'Neill to the gate room." General Hammond's voice sounded through the intercom. I could hear the unspoken warning in his voice - Jacob was there and Hammond wouldn't blame me if I ran.

"Uncle G!" Carter reattached herself to my leg.

I couldn't run away. I was far too infatuated with mini-Carter. And I was thinking maybe Jacob wouldn't kill me if he saw how much Carter liked me. "Want to go see Daddy?" Carter nodded vehemently and reached up for me to carry her. If I got the chance, I intended to ask Jacob what the deal was with Carter constantly wanting to be carried. When Charlie was a baby - from the time he could walk - he preferred to go everywhere by himself and had a fit when Sara or I tried to carry him. I picked Carter up and decided not to question her affectionate nature. "Let's go." I smiled at Janet on my way out.

"Good luck, sir."

"You might be patching me up in a few minutes."

"Probably not, as long as you don't put her down, sir."

"Good idea." The only thing I had going for me was that surely Jacob would be as taken in with Carter as the rest of us were. Still, I tried to walk as slowly as possible without being too obvious.

"Hurry up, Jack! I want to see my daddy!"

I couldn't deny her request. Between the dimples, the pigtails, and the giggling, I was screwed. I had to find a way to put her back to normal before she revealed to everyone that I was completely whipped.

When I turned the corner into the gate room, I stopped short. Jacob was there, chatting amiably with General Hammond. Nervous as I was about facing him, he wasn't the reason I stopped. I knew I could possibly survive Jacob. Unfortunately, Jacob hadn't come alone - no, Anise was with him. I was going to set Carter down and high-tail it in the other direction, but just as Carter's sneakered feet hit the floor, she grabbed my hand.

"Jack, come on!"

Three heads snapped toward me and I knew there was no escape. I let Carter lead me closer while I plastered a brave smile on my face. "Hey, Jake, thanks for dropping by."

Jacob looked at Carter. His eyebrows knitted together and then he raised his eyes to mine. He was not a happy camper. I had started to back up, fearing for my life, when Jacob sat down heavily on the ramp. "Oh my God."

General Hammond stepped forward, putting his hand on Jacob's shoulder. "Jacob-"

Jacob looked back at me and then up at Hammond. His voice was soft, but the sound carried through the unusually silent room. "I had no idea they had a child."


	11. Chapter Ten

_AN: Thanks for the support guys! I love your comments!_

Chapter Ten

Everyone was far too shocked to respond. Jacob was the first to recover his voice, most likely because he hadn't really been all that shocked. He looked ready to kill me. "You want to tell me why I wasn't informed that you and Samantha have a child together? Just who the hell do you think you are? How dare you ruin her career! And what the hell is a child doing in this facility? It's way too dangerous around here for my granddaughter!"

I backed up, pulling Carter with me since she wouldn't let go of my hand. My survival instinct was kicking in, reminding me loud and clear that I didn't want to die. I heard snickers from the control room and looked up to find half the staff, including the rest of SG-1, watching us. I could only imagine what the people who didn't know better were thinking at the time. I could hear the rumor mill start turning. I was about to turn and run when I realized the mistake Jacob had made.

"Daddy?" Carter pulled free from my hand and scampered over to Jacob.

Jacob looked at her, practically on eye level with her from his seat on the ramp. Then he looked at me, then at Hammond, and then back at Carter. "Sammy?" He reached out to touch her chin, as if to assure himself of what he was seeing, but Carter turned suddenly, running back to me and hiding behind my legs. Jacob looked around again. "What just happened?" He fixed his eyes on me again. "Not yours, right?"

I shook my head while squatting down and trying to console Carter who was sobbing once again. "Sam, what's the matter?"

"That's not my daddy!" Carter wrapped her arms around my neck and wouldn't let go.

Selmac spoke up. "Perhaps the child senses my presence." Of course, Selmac's voice only served to make Carter wail louder, if that was possible.

"Sam, it's ok. That's your daddy." I was hoping that Carter would continue to trust my assessment. Although, judging from her level of hysteria, it didn't seem to be working.

Hammond spoke to Jacob and, although I couldn't hear what was said over Carter, I found myself following the group up to the conference room. Jacob kept glancing back over his shoulder. Anise or Freya or both of them kept glowering at me and Carter. By the time we climbed the stairs past the control room, everyone who had been watching was pretending to be terribly busy. By the time we got up to the conference room, Carter's wailing had stopped, but she continued to sniffle and whimper intermittently. Her arms stayed fastened around my neck after I sat down.

Jacob took a seat opposite me with an unreadable expression. Anise still looked angry and I figured it was because I'd shot down her host's come on in favor of an impossible relationship with the woman who was in my arms, even though she wasn't a woman yet. Anymore. Whatever. I imagined that I looked annoyed because Anise was there.

General Hammond took his regular seat. "I've asked you here for some assistance, Jacob. Obviously Major Carter has found herself in a bit of a situation."

Carter's arms tightened around my neck. "That's not my daddy, Jack." Carter's whisper was loud enough for all to hear. "He looks like my daddy, but he's not my daddy."

Selmac was completely ignorant of how frightening her voice was to a child. "If this is indeed Samantha Carter, the naquadah in her blood has survived whatever process affected her."

Carter turned to face Selmac without letting go of me. "I am Samantha Carter and you're not my daddy!"

"No, I am Selmac."

Jacob spoke up then. "Samantha, I am your father and I won't have you acting so rude. Behave yourself." How Jacob could sound so stern to adorable Carter was beyond me.

Carter cowered back against me. "Jack!"

"Permission to join the meeting, sir?" All eyes whipped to Janet. At General Hammond's nod, she sat down. "The test results are in - she's definitely Samantha Carter."

"No slight abnormality?" I was referring to the only clue she'd found in my clone's blood that gave away the difference between us.

"None whatsoever." She closed the folder she'd been glancing at. "Right down to the naquadah, although I think you already discovered that."

Anise turned to Janet. "The child was able to sense our symbiotes so she obviously has naquadah in her blood."

Janet ignored the interruption while I glared at Anise. "I can't find any foreign substance or toxin that could explain this. Sam is in perfect health."

Jacob sighed. "Except that she's three."

Janet nodded at Jacob. "Right, a perfectly healthy three-year-old."

I couldn't resist trying to diffuse the tension. "So I think I'm going to head back out there to 738 and ask them to knock thirty-some years off my age. I wouldn't mind having a second chance with my knee."

Janet ignored me. "Since there's nothing technically wrong with her, there's nothing I can fix."

Jacob shook his head when Carter dug out my yo-yo and tried to make it work. Then he sighed and met my glance. "I'm too old for this. She was a handful the first time. Feel like adopting a three-year-old?"

I was stunned, unsure if Jacob's words were in jest. Carter didn't miss a beat though. She grinned at me happily, abandoning the yo-yo momentarily in favor of giving me a bear hug. "Yay!"

Jacob shrugged at Hammond, as though he wasn't at all surprised by how quickly he could be replaced. "She always did have a thing for older guys."

I was learning quickly that every moment spent with a young Samantha Carter produced a million additional ways for someone to mortify me. I hung my head as General Hammond and Dr. Frasier laughed. Looking across the table, I noticed that Anise didn't find it all that funny either. Or perhaps it was Freya who wasn't happy. Anise had a thing for Daniel. But they were scientists, or one of them was at least, which meant they were about Carter's only hope for the time being.

I cleared my throat in an effort to remind everyone that I was very much listening to them all laugh at my expense. "So, what are our options besides adoption?"

Anise answered me while the rest of the table pulled themselves together. "I will examine the child and see if my equipment is able to detect anything. If I reach the same conclusion as Dr. Frasier, we will have to investigate alternative solutions. How did she come to be affected?"

"I think she might have eaten something that was contaminated." I looked around, waiting to see if anyone was going to call me on why Carter might have done something so stupid.

Anise nodded thoughtfully. "I may require a sample of the contaminated substance in order to produce an antidote."

"That might be a problem." I winced when I saw Jacob's eyes rivet on me.

General Hammond jumped in. "738 has been classified unfriendly. SG-1 was under attack when they returned."

"Why were they attacking?" I could tell from the way Jacob was looking at me that he suspected I had done something wrong.

"Because we refused to leave Carter behind. They wanted to keep her." Jacob looked confused, so I continued. "They did this to her on purpose."

Jacob laughed. "You've got to be kidding me."

"No. Our friendly neighborhood tour guide Loh'ran thought that Carter would make the perfect spouse."

"So he shrank her? Maybe he wanted a daughter and not a spouse?"

I shook my head. "He shrank himself too. He wanted to grow up with her or something. I didn't really stick around to ask questions."

Anise cut in with her usual bluntness. "If I am unable to identify the substance responsible in her body, there will be no choice but to retrieve a sample from the planet."

I took a deep breath. "If it gets Carter back the way she was, fine, I'll do it. But I really hope you can find something with your super-duper hyper-advanced gadgets that are oh so much better than ours."

Anise nodded. "I will return to the Tok'ra base to gather the necessary instruments."

"I'll stay here and try to prevent any catastrophes Sammy is going to attempt to cause." Jacob smiled at Carter.

I didn't even notice when Anise left. I was busy staring at Carter. At the moment, Carter seemed harmless enough, sitting quietly in my lap and trying to unknot my yo-yo. I grinned at Jacob. "Oh, come on, what harm could she do?" I had momentarily forgotten her escape and subsequent attempt to break the iris.

Jacob and Hammond shared a pointed look and then Jacob chuckled. "She wanted to go to the moon when she was four. So she tried to build a rocket." I grinned, thinking that sounded exactly like Carter. "She burned the house down."

I looked down at the angel in my lap. "Did you start a fire, Sam?" She ignored me and continued with the completely ruined yo-yo.

"No, Jack, you didn't hear me. She didn't start a fire. She burned the house down."

I met his eyes in disbelief. "You mean like some excitement for the neighbors, a coat of paint and some new furniture and a stern warning from the fire marshal, right?"

Jacob shook his head solemnly. "To the ground, Jack. We were lucky we all survived."

Not even waiting for his words to sink in completely, I turned to Janet. "You're taking her tonight, right?"

She shook her head. "My house is far from child-proof. Cassie was nine when I adopted her. I have no experience with babies." Before I had the chance to order her, she shrugged at me. "Besides, she likes you best, sir."

"Some things never change." Jacob's words made Hammond laugh at me once again.

"Janet, please?"

She shook her head. "Absolutely not, sir. Sam's told me plenty of her finer childhood exploits and I have no desire to experience them firsthand." She nodded at Hammond. "May I go, sir?"

Hammond dismissed her without waiting for me to say anything. I tried to convince myself he didn't want to see me lose it, but I wasn't so sure. I turned back to Jacob. "So you're sticking around for the night, right?"

Jacob only smiled. "Sam didn't listen to me. Ever. Hell, she still doesn't. You'll probably have much better luck."

I glanced down and saw Carter had settled in for a nap. She was resting against my chest, her thumb sticking in her mouth, with a yo-yo knotted around her wrist. I smiled at her. I didn't care what Jacob or Janet said. Carter was a handful because she was too damn smart for her own good. But she was as innocent as she was rambunctious and I was convinced I could handle her.

I looked back at the general. "I'll be in my quarters working on some of those mission reports. When she wakes up, I'll take her to the park and let her run around for a while. Then maybe she'll burn off some of that extra energy."

Jacob laughed, a sound I was beginning to resent. "Jack, I think she was in high school before she slept through the night. No one could ever get her to settle down. She was always up all hours of the night doing things."

"Sounds like Carter." It actually made me feel better to know that she'd always been like that - for a few years, I had been afraid that it was her work with the Stargate that caused her stay up nights.

Hammond stood up, signaling that the meeting was over. "Colonel, I'm going to contact the Asgard to see if they can offer any assistance." He glanced at Jacob who was trying not to look offended. "Not that I don't have every confidence in Anise."

I rolled my eyes. I was all too aware of the trouble Anise and her scientific method could cause. "I'll hold out for Thor. He likes Carter."

I returned to my quarters and tucked Carter back into bed. I desperately wanted to prove to Jacob that he could trust Carter to my care, but the thought wasn't one I wanted to dwell on. I couldn't admit to myself that I was trying to impress Carter's father because I knew that would bring the whole house of cards tumbling down.

I settled down across the room and started writing up the mission reports that were several missions late. Every so often my eyes wandered over to Carter and I'd catch myself staring at her, taking comfort of the gentle rise and fall of her chest with each breath. And I knew as I watched mesmerized, even if no one could put Carter back the way she was, I'd still die to protect her. I loved her that much.

And once I realized that, I sat back in my chair and stared at her, forgetting entirely about working.


	12. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

After a half hour, I decided I had to wake her. Keeping her awake was my only hope for getting her to sleep through the night. I shook her lightly and her eyes opened instantly - just like Carter to be wide awake in a split second. I smiled at her. "You want to go play?"

I could see how excited she was at first, but it died off quickly. "With you or by myself?"

I remembered her rare comments about her childhood through the years, mostly when she was extremely tired, which revealed that her parents, especially her father, had always been too busy and left her alone to amuse herself. I could fix that. "Absolutely with me. You think I don't want to play too?"

"Yay!" She sprang off the bed and retook her place in my arms. I grinned as I carried her to the surface, wondering how in the world I would ever get used to grown up Carter who didn't continuously jump into my arms.

A female airman was in the elevator with us and she waved at Carter. "Good afternoon, sir." She grinned as Carter offered her a pretend salute. "She's so precious! What's her name?"

"Sam." I figured the airman would recognize that Carter had been shrunk.

Instead she nodded politely. "I've heard that's become very common."

"What? The name?" I couldn't think of a single Sam besides Carter, but I didn't really know many people with young children.

"No, sir, naming girls after their mothers. Kind of like boys are named junior." She waved goodbye to Carter and exited the elevator before I had a chance to correct her.

Carter looked at me after the elevator began moving again. "She's pretty."

I laughed - that was certainly not something Carter would ever feel compelled to point out to me normally. Of course, the only response that came to mind wasn't something I could say normally either, so I figured it was fair. "She's not as pretty as you." Carter giggled as she leaned over to kiss my cheek.

I let her run herself ragged at the park. She ran in circles, although never very far from me. She played on the slide if I held her hand all the way. She did some rather acrobatic stunts on the jungle gym as long as I kept hold of her. And she stayed on the swings until my arms hurt from pushing her.

Her eyes were starting to drift closed when I put her back in my truck. I thanked God for the factory standard integrated child seat in the back of the cab as I strapped her in. I kept bugging her on the way back to the base, trying to keep her awake. It wouldn't do any good to let her have a nap a few hours before bedtime, but I eventually gave up because she started to get cranky. I'd rather have her wreak havoc than make her angry. I started to think about dying her hair brown for the duration - I wasn't nearly such a sucker for brunettes.

As soon as I got back on base, I heard my name being paged. I made my way to Hammond's office. Thor was waiting for me. "Hey, buddy! What's up?" Carter was still sleeping, so I spoke softly.

"O'Neill, General Hammond summoned me. I believed that you were already aware of the situation."

I was about to explain the finer points of my facetious wit, but Thor's voice had woken Carter. I watched as her head turned slowly to look at Thor. I watched as her eyes went wide. I waited for her scream. It never came.

Carter cocked her head to the side. "Are you from outer space?"

Thor blinked at her. "I am from another planet. No creatures are spawned from space itself."

Carter looked confused. "Are you a space alien?"

Thor looked at me; I nodded. He turned back to Carter. "I am what your planet's inhabitants would call an alien."

Carter looked at me. "Jack?"

I smiled. "He's a friendly space alien."

Carter reached for Thor's hand. "Take me to outer space."

"Sam!" I looked at her, surprised that she was so quick to forget me.

She misread my disappointment and looked back at Thor. "Please." She waited a moment and when no one responded, she continued talking to Thor. "I'm going to go to space someday."

Thor nodded. "I believe you will. I believe your parents will encourage you to explore other worlds as they have done." Carter squealed happily and beamed at me.

I squatted down to join the conversation. "Uh, Thor, her father certainly explores other planets, but her mother never did."

Thor looked between Carter and me several times. "Is this not the offspring of yourself and Major Carter?" General Hammond didn't even laugh. I thought he was beginning to be alarmed at how easily everybody we knew could envision Carter and I having a baby together. In fact, with how easily everyone was accepting it, I started to wonder if maybe we shouldn't try - once Carter was big again.

"No. This-" I pointed at her to be sure he understood. "Is Major Carter."

"That is unfortunate. I had hoped you would allow your daughter's genetic structure to be examined in the hopes of preserving the Asgard race."

"Let me down!" Carter's sudden shriek startled me so much I almost dropped her. As soon as her feet hit the floor, she ran up to Thor and hugged him ferociously.

Thor looked befuddled, well, as befuddled as a practically expressionless alien can look. General Hammond came around from the other side of his desk. "Thor, are you injured? I apologize-"

Thor held up his hand, halting Hammond's apology. "That is not the first time Major Carter has hugged me."

Hammond looked at me. I shrugged. I knew of a few times she'd hugged Daniel. I knew of a few times she'd hugged Teal'c. I'd seen her hug Hammond. I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one who didn't get a hug. I thought it best to ignore his statement. "So, Thor, can you fix her?"

"She does not appear to be broken, O'Neill."

Carter giggled and released Thor's hand, snuggling up to me once again. Thor stared at her as though he was honestly surprised to see her so affectionate with me. I wrapped my arm around her, sneakily clamping my hands over her ears.

"As much fun as snuggly Sam here is, I kind of miss Carter. Not to mention that we'll sorely miss her the next time someone needs our help." I let the implication hang in the air that Thor would be the someone. Carter wrestled her head out of my hands, but apparently, I was easily forgiven for not letting her hear. She didn't move an inch away from me.

"I will take Major Carter to my ship and have the medical systems scan her."

"Ok, when do we leave?" I had my fingers crossed that Thor would find a quick fix.

"Your assistance is not required. The procedure will not take long."

I was going to argue that Carter might be traumatized by going alone, but General Hammond stepped in with another legitimate argument. "Thor, I don't think you realize the amount of spirit that young Sam possesses. Perhaps Colonel O'Neill should accompany you just to keep an eye on her."

"That is not necessary. We are quite capable of handling a child for a short period of time."

I looked at Carter. "Thor wants to take you to his ship for a little while. Do you want me to come with you?"

Carter was in the middle of nodding when Thor beamed her away. Of all the times Thor had used his little zappy stuff, I knew that was the meanest. The Asgard were all clones; it had been generations since there had been children to deal with. And somehow I knew Carter wasn't the kid they wanted to practice on. Hammond just shook his head as I headed out to get something to eat. I knew Thor wouldn't harm Carter. I never imagined what Carter would do to Thor.


	13. Chapter Twelve

_AN: Keep the reviews coming! SG-1 fan - good catch! ;) That's what happens when you rework a scene. Anyhow, I fixed it up. Thanks!_

Chapter Twelve

It was just over forty minutes later when the alarms started sounding. I was working on my fifth bowl of Fruit Loops, which I couldn't eat in front of Carter without having to explain to her why I wasn't giving her anymore sugar, when I heard the sirens. I dropped my spoon in my bowl and headed to the control room to see what had gone wrong. I was hoping it wasn't something that Carter would be required to fix.

I met General Hammond on the stairs and he directed me to follow him to the gate room. We walked into the gate room and stopped short. There were somewhere around a hundred Asgard crowded into every available space. I glanced at General Hammond and wondered how I was ever going to pick Thor out of them all. But then I realized that Thor was the one who looked angry, and yes, he can look angry. The rest of them all just seemed baffled.

Carter, of course, was in the center. She was sprawled on the floor with what appeared to be control crystals in her hands. Actually, they appeared to be broken control crystals.

Sergeant Harriman's voice carried over the intercom. "General Hammond, Major Davis from the Pentagon is on the phone."

Hammond looked at me. "Find out what happened." Then he abandoned me.

I looked at Thor. "Thor! Buddy! I didn't know you were bringing friends over!"

Thor, for once, didn't blink. "Major Carter has destroyed our ship."

"What?" Yeah, I'd heard about the house, but that was wood and decidedly human construction. An Asgard ship was another matter entirely. "You mean like it's broken and needs repairs, right?"

Just like in my earlier conversation with Jacob, Thor continued. "Major Carter has destroyed our ship. The vessel was lost."

Carter noticed me and ran over to hug me. She held up a broken red crystal. "I brought this for you!" Then she tugged on my hand and motioned for me to pick her up.

Taken in by her, I ignored Thor for the moment. "Did you have fun with the space aliens?"

Carter nodded happily. "But Thor got mad."

I glanced back at Thor. "I don't think she meant to do it."

"We have never experienced defeat at the hands of a primitive race." If I was reading him right, he was mortified.

"Well, it's not really defeat, Thor. It's more like poor construction." I set Carter down, feeling better equipped to negotiate without holding a baby. "You really need to child-proof ships before you take on children."

"Uh, Jack?"

I turned around to see an amazed Daniel in the doorway. "Danny, come say hi. I think we've pissed off our friends."

"Jack, Hammond just told me that radar reports picked up an Asgard ship crashing into the Atlantic. Several visual confirmations as well." He turned to Thor. "What happened? Goa'uld? Replicators?"

Thor didn't answer. So I did. "Nothing so dramatic, Daniel. It was just Carter."

Daniel pushed up his glasses and made that face he always makes when he doesn't believe me. "Sam disabled an Asgard ship?"

I held up the crystal she'd given me, making certain I didn't cut myself on the jagged edges. "Something tells me it has to do with this."

Daniel took it from me and examined it closely. "What is it?"

Carter reached up and snatched it out of his hands, somehow not cutting herself in the process. "It's for Jack!" I took it back from her and stuck it in my pocket, fearing her luck with not cutting herself wasn't going to last.

Daniel backed up. "I'll go tell the General. The Pentagon apparently feared we were under attack."

I noticed Thor was glaring at me. "Look, Thor, I think overconfidence was your undoing here. I did try to warn you about Carter, but you said you could handle her."

"I must contact the Asgard fleet and request a rescue." Thor began walking toward the control room.

I followed him. "Do you really need to call it a rescue? She didn't do it on purpose."

"She insisted on trying to remove the crystal after I told her of its importance to the function of the ship."

"Thor, she's just a kid. She doesn't understand." I knew it was probably a bad time, but I got the impression Thor was putting on a show for the audience. I didn't think he was really that angry. "Did you have any luck with Carter's medical condition before the ship crashed?"

"Unfortunately, because Major Carter ran away immediately upon arrival on our ship and evaded capture for some time, we were unable to perform any analysis on her. She will not be welcome aboard another Asgard ship until she has matured."

Ok, so he really was mad. "Please, Thor? You've got to help her. If she can do that kind of damage to your ship, imagine what she can do here!" Almost as an afterthought, I turned around to check on Carter. She wasn't behind me. I turned around and returned to where I'd seen her last. "Sam?" She wasn't in sight. "Sam, where are you?"

I looked up to see Jacob in the control room. He was shaking his head. I couldn't tell whether he was disappointed that I'd lost his daughter and let her crash an Asgard ship or if he was as thoroughly amused at my ineptitude as I would have been in his place. I looked around the room crowded with little gray bodies. Then I threw my hands up in defeat.

The room plunged into utter darkness. I waited a beat for the emergency lighting, but it never came up. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach told me exactly who had caused it. "Damn it, Carter!" I heard laughter, but I couldn't tell who it was. I couldn't even be mad. I deserved it.

Within minutes, the entire staff of Cheyenne Mountain was running around with flashlights. People were assigned to work on the emergency lighting. Others were working on the rest of the power. Everyone else, including some of the displaced Asgard, was looking for Carter. I knew it would have been hard enough finding her with the lights on; it was impossible with flashlights. I gave up looking and waited in the control room. I noticed Jacob had done the same thing.

He shined his flashlight on me, temporarily blinding me. "Aren't you worried about finding Sam?"

I shook my head. "We're here to prevent her from doing any more damage." Without access to the computers that controlled the gate, Carter's mischief was limited, especially since I was sure she hadn't escaped the base entirely. She was simply too cute for none of the guards on the surface to have noticed her. "She'll find me when she wants to." I was counting on being able to hear her wail when she got tired of hiding. I was also thinking she wouldn't think it was so much fun if I wasn't looking for her.

Two hours later, we were sitting around the conference table. Carter was nowhere on base, at least not according to the airmen who'd conducted an extensive search of the base top to bottom as soon as they'd rigged the power back up - someone had managed to realign the wires in the gate room until it caused an overload and took out the entire system.

Jacob was accusing Thor of kidnapping. Selmac had already mentioned my inattentiveness. General Hammond was blaming Thor for having so many Asgard in the gate room to conceal Carter. Daniel was blaming himself for not realizing that she hadn't followed me when I'd followed Thor. I was reserving judgment, certain that either myself or Carter was entirely to blame, depending respectively on whether she was injured or not.

Normally, I would have joined in the loud debate that was going on around me. Instead, I followed Teal'c's example, leaning back in my chair, crossing my arms, and waiting for a decision to be made. Hammond was trying to convince Thor to try scanning Carter again, once another Asgard vessel was available, with my help to keep Carter from causing trouble. Thor was pointing out that it was not necessary to make such arrangements as Carter was missing and might never be located. The thought was scarier than I wanted to admit.

I unfolded my arms and dug in my pocket where I'd stowed the broken Asgard control crystal. I twirled it around in my hands, thinking about how Carter had gone to such trouble to bring it back to me. It made me smile, even after I sliced open my hand with it - the hand that Carter hadn't bitten through. I excused myself to go get the cut attended to.

As I stood, my eyes fell on the gate, as they always did whenever I had a moment. I usually paused for a second to marvel at just how spectacular it truly was. But it was even more spectacular at that instant.

"Colonel, I thought you were going to the infirmary." General Hammond seemed concerned, but I was fairly certain it was only to spare him from a philosophical debate with Thor over getting Carter medical treatment.

"I was, sir." I inclined my head toward the glass window. "But I thought maybe you'd appreciate my help getting Carter down."

Everyone turned to look at me. I pointed at Carter who had somehow scaled the Stargate and was, for the moment, perched on top of it.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

_AN: Sorry about the delay. Once again, RL has reared its ugly head and my life is insane. Hope this is worth the wait!_

Chapter Thirteen

"Someone will need to speak to whoever conducted the extensive search of the base because he's obviously unaware of the definition of extensive." I led the way down to the gate room and marched up to the base of the gate. "Samantha Carter, just what the hell are you doing up there?"

"Thor can't reach."

I was supposed to be mad, but her perfectly logical argument only made me laugh. "How did you get up there?"

"I climbed."

I'd never really given much thought to scaling the gate, but on closer inspection, I realized there were enough braces and equipment to provide a fairly sturdy ladder. Still, the fact that Carter had managed it in the dark without getting herself killed was impressive. I wasn't about to tell her that. "Can you climb down?"

She looked over, coming dangerously close to losing her precarious balance, and studied the gate for a several seconds. Then she shook her head. "It's too high."

"Of course it is." I turned to the general. "Sir, can we get a ladder in here?"

"Are the firemen going to come?" Carter was very excited at the prospect. Maybe because she hadn't yet burned her house down. Or maybe she knew she'd fare better charming terrestrial firemen than she had with the Asgard.

"No, Sam, I'm going to get you myself." I expected disappointment.

But then, Carter's never been predictable. "Yay!"

It didn't take long for me to climb up the ladder and retrieve her. She wasn't even mad that she had to be removed from her hiding place. She hugged me like always and let me navigate our way back down the ladder without doing anything to distract me.

General Hammond surprised me with his words. "I want her off this base, Colonel. There's no telling how much trouble she'll cause."

"Sir?" There were so many things I wanted to ask - like where I was supposed to take her and what I was supposed to do with her and how we were going to fix her.

"As soon as we've decided the next step, I'll call you and she'll be welcomed back. For now, take her home, Colonel."

"Yes, sir." I knew he wasn't going to accept any arguments, especially none that included me keeping an eye on her. It was fine with me because I didn't have any valid arguments anyway. She was certainly a handful and it was only through a stroke of luck that she'd survived her childhood long enough the first time to channel her energy into something like studying and being a genius. I smiled at Carter, who'd silently transitioned back to snugly-mode rather than hell-raising. "Ready to go home?" Carter nodded and I could see how excited she was. She was probably imagining toys and fun kid stuff.

Unfortunately, I didn't have any fun stuff at my house. I knew better than to take Carter to someplace like a toy store - a toy store would be fraught with peril and I wasn't about to deal with a screaming, crying Carter begging for stuff. I took her to the grocery store instead, limiting the options. The options were more limited than I thought and I could only hope that a couple of matchbox cars, a sheriff's set, and some Play-Doh would keep the ridiculously intelligent child occupied until the general could find some help. Being at the store also gave me the opportunity to buy something respectable for her to eat since I didn't think she'd want the three week old Taco Bell leftovers in my fridge.

I tried asking her what she liked to eat, but she just shrugged. I started walking her up and down the aisles, suggesting a million different things. Carter resolutely shook her head at all of them. When I began to get frustrated, she suggested cookies, a chocolate bar and strawberry ice cream. I realized I was going to have to take the decision out of her hands.

So the checkout lady looked at me funny when she rang up a couple of toys, a gallon of milk, and ten cans of chicken noodle soup. But before she could call child protective services, Carter leaned over and gave me a big kiss. Then she waved at the woman, who was by that point reduced to that stupid, charmed grin I'd grown familiar with since baby Carter had happened.

The drive to my place was uneventful. Carter giggled happily in the back, making vroom-vroom sounds and turning her make-believe steering wheel. I angled the rearview mirror to watch her. She caught me looking and waved. The next time she caught me looking, I winked at her. She giggled and then blew me a kiss.

I'd told her the rule was that she had to stay in the same room as me or I would send her back to Thor. She promised she wouldn't break my rules. I made Carter a bowl of soup while she played under my feet with her cars. I was actually surprised that nothing went awry - I didn't break my leg tripping over her and she didn't wind up with scalding hot soup poured over her head. She only ate about half the bowl, so I finished it off while she made an assortment of unidentifiable objects with her Play-Doh. We stayed in the kitchen because I could see the TV from there and I figured it would be the easiest room to clean up.

It was a little after 8:30 when I realized her eyes were drifting closed. It had taken a long time, but little Carter was tuckered out. I carried her to my room first, showing her where I would be when I went to sleep, so she wouldn't get scared. Then I took her to the spare room and set her down on the bed. I untied her shoes and pulled the covers back for her.

"Ok, Sam, time for bed."

Carter put her hands on her hips, cocked her head to the side and giggled. "Jack, I can't go to sleep in my clothes!" She said it with such attitude, like I'd broken some super important universal law or something, but I just laughed. I'd forgotten to retrieve the rest of the clothes Walter had provided, but I figured she could make do with a t-shirt, considering she'd been wearing a t-shirt half the time she'd been with me.

"Ok, be right back." I ducked around the corner and into my room, grabbing the first clean shirt I could find. When I returned, Carter was kneeling at the side of the bed, hands clasped and head bowed. I listened with a smile as she asked God to bless Mommy and Daddy and Jack and Uncle G and Danny and Teak and Janet and Thor and everyone else she forgot and even Mark too. Then she sweetly asked that he forgive her for making Thor mad cause she hadn't meant to ruin his ship and suggested that Thor wouldn't be mad anymore if God replaced it with a better ship.

I waited until she was finished. "Ok, kiddo, here you go." I held out the t-shirt, forgetting that I was dealing with a three-year-old.

She held her arms above her head and scrunched her eyes closed, waiting for me to pull her shirt off. I shook my head and complied, angry at the fates. That was so much not what I had in mind when I imagined undressing Carter. Once she was undressed, I slipped my t-shirt on her. Even as an adult, Carter's skinny, so her t-shirt hadn't been nearly so big. My t-shirt puddled on the ground at her feet and slipped off one shoulder and halfway down the arm. Carter lifted her arm up to set it right and it promptly slipped off the other shoulder. I shrugged at her and she giggled. I lifted her up and put her in the bed, stooping down to tuck her in.

"Jack?"

"Yes, Sam?"

"I didn't brush my teeth."

And I hadn't had the sense to buy her a toothbrush. So I lifted her up and took her to the bathroom. I gave her my toothbrush and was about to squeeze the toothpaste onto it when she pulled it away.

"My toothbrush is purple."

I squeezed my eyes closed and reminded myself that being tired made all the difference between Carter being cute and Carter being a brat. "You didn't bring your toothbrush, so you'll have to use mine, ok?"

Carter thought about it for a minute and I was well-aware that she was looking for a flaw in my logic. Finally she shrugged. "Ok." I started with the toothpaste again and she pulled the toothbrush away again. "I can do it myself!"

I gave her the tube, took a deep breath and counted to ten while Carter worked. She was too little to squeeze the toothpaste with one hand and so had an elaborate set up trying to wedge the toothbrush over the sink with the cup and the bar of soap so she could squeeze the tube with both hands. She managed to get toothpaste everywhere but on the brush. I finally took matters into my own hands, dipped the brush in one of the large puddles of toothpaste and handed it to her. She wasn't happy, but she took it anyway. She opened her mouth and started brushing her teeth.

For all of two seconds. Then she started screaming. Apparently, my minty-fresh toothpaste did not taste like her bubble-gum toothpaste. You would have thought I was trying to kill her for how loud she screamed. After she spat about a hundred times, I carried her still whining self back to the spare bedroom.

I turned off the light and pulled the door halfway closed. "Good night, Sam."

"Jack?"

I took a deep breath. "Yes?"

"Leave the light on, please."

I flipped the light back on. "Better?" She nodded and snuggled down into the blankets. "Night, Sam."

"Jack?"

"Yes?"

"Can you check the closet for monsters?"

It was such a preposterous thing for someone as fearless as Carter to ask that I smiled as I made a big show of opening the closet and verifying the lack of monsters. I even checked under the bed before she had a chance to ask. "Better?" She nodded once again and I headed for the door.

"Jack?"

I tried to keep annoyance out of my voice because I didn't want to upset her - that would only serve to lengthen the ritual. "Yes?"

"I didn't get a good night kiss and I can't sleep without a good night kiss."

I dutifully walked over and kissed her forehead. "Good night, Sam."

"Jack?"

"Yes?" I kept reminding myself of how much fun I could have torturing Carter about her behavior when she grew up.

"Don't forget to leave the door open."

I pushed it wide open. "Good night, Samantha."

"Jack?"

"What!" I felt guilty for snapping at her, especially when I saw the way she recoiled into the covers.

"Good night, Jack."

The anger faded instantly and I smiled at her. "Night, baby."

"Jack?"

"Good night, Sam." I turned away and started walking, swearing I wasn't going to listen to anymore of her stall tactics.

"I love you."

I stopped dead in my tracks. A smile spread across my face as I whispered into the air. "I love you too, Carter."


	15. Chapter Fourteen

_AN: I fell over laughing while I was writing this, so word to the wise: don't snarfle your soda while reading! Hope you like it!_

Chapter Fourteen

Not having slept much in the previous two days, I went to bed soon after Carter. I left my bedroom door standing open so I could hear her if she called. I fully expected to be awoken during the night by a not so stealthy three-year-old climbing on me. I'd been through it with Charlie and as far as I could remember, he'd been six before he'd spent an entire night in his own bed.

As it turned out, it wasn't Carter that woke me - it was lightening. Now I make no claim of being a heavy sleeper, but it takes some serious lightening to wake me. The flashes were so bright I couldn't sleep through them; it was light there was a strobe light in my room. I carefully crept into the doorway of the spare room to check on Carter. I figured if the lightening had me up, she was probably pinned to the sheets in fear. But when I looked, she was curled up, sucking her thumb and sleeping peacefully. I smiled at the precious picture she presented and returned to my room.

I jumped when another flash of lightening lit up the room. I chided myself, remembering that I was perfectly safe. Just to be sure, I got back in bed, turned away from the windows, and pulled the pillow over my face. I kept up my mantra that I was not afraid of thunderstorms, but I knew, deep down, that there was one childhood fear that relentlessly stalked me. Yes, Colonel Jack O'Neill is afraid of thunderstorms. I thought of brave little Carter sleeping peacefully and forced myself to relax until a huge clap of thunder sounded. It was so loud I started to wonder if the house was going to fall down.

Of course, that was followed by an unbelievably terrified scream.

I probably scared the crap out of Carter. She was wide awake when I scrambled into her room and curled up next to her. She smiled at me, not at all concerned at my reaction.

"Are you scared, Jack?"

"No." My indignant tone probably would have clued in an adult, but I hoped Carter wouldn't know.

She snuggled up to me and rested her head on my shoulder. "It's ok if you are. I used to be scared until my daddy told me what was going on up there."

Just having her in my arms again calmed me down. "So what did your daddy tell you?"

"The angels are bowling and they're having so much fun they're taking lots of pictures."

I smiled at her. "I wish they could bowl quieter."

"Me too." Carter stuck her thumb back in her mouth and promptly fell back to sleep.

I laid there awake for a long time, wondering why my one night to sleep in the same bed as Carter had to be like that. Disgruntled and still a little anxious from the slowly retreating storm, I finally drifted to sleep.

Something woke me, but I couldn't tell what it was. I stared at the ceiling and tried to figure out what I'd heard. It was still dark. Carter was no longer beside me and I knew that probably had something to do with it. Just as I sat up to look for her, I heard a startled squeak.

Then a minute later, a plaintive cry. "Jack!"

I sleepily followed the noise to the half closed bathroom door. "Sam? Are you ok?"

"No."

"Can I come in?" I really didn't want to, but I knew I was going to have to.

"Yes."

I pushed the door open the rest of the way, nearly falling over when I saw her. You have to remember, I'm a single man who had lived alone for ten years. I leave the toilet seat up; there are rarely any women around to complain about it.

"I'm stuck."

There was Carter, wedged into the toilet. Her arms were held straight out; her knees were hooked over the rim. She was terrified. I couldn't stop laughing.

"I don't want to drown!" She was growing more hysterical by the second.

So was I, but in an entirely different way. "Sam, you're not going to drown, I promise." I could barely draw breath in my fit of laughter. I was impressed that I managed a whole sentence. "But you're going to have to hang on until I find a camera." Cause really, Samantha Carter was stuck in my toilet and, as she'd pointed out on more than one occasion, my mental age had been stunted around thirteen.

"Jack! I'm going to drown!"

I couldn't leave her there terrified, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity either. They say necessity is the mother of invention. I needed a picture, so I developed some of Carter's inventiveness. I pulled the loose end of the toilet paper over to Carter and placed it in her outstretched hand. "Hold on to that and you won't drown. I'll be right back."

I returned after only a moment, surprisingly finding the camera in the first place I looked. Carter was still gripping the toilet paper for dear life. But I couldn't take a picture with her crying. I looked through the camera. "Hey, Sam, how about pancakes for breakfast?"

Carter's face lit up and I snapped the picture. "With syrup?"

"Is there any other way?" I set the camera down and offered her assistance in climbing out of the toilet. Carter tugged on my hand as we were heading back to the bedroom. Her arms stretched out to me as soon as I looked back. I lifted her up, sopping wet shirt and all, and carried her back to the spare bedroom. "Why don't you like to walk anywhere?"

She just shrugged at me, having become oddly silent. I retrieved a dry shirt for her and helped her change. She didn't say anything when I tucked her into bed.

"Sam, what's wrong?"

"Are you mad at me?"

Ok, so the girl didn't think I would be mad over trying to break the iris or crashing an Asgard ship or making me look like an idiot in front of her father or running away and playing hide and seek, but she thought I was mad that she fell in the toilet. I immediately came to grips with a very clear fact that had been eluding me for years: Carter was very, very odd. Most of the time, it worked out well for everyone. But sometimes, like right then, it was just, well, strange.

I shook my head. "No, I'm not mad. Why would you think that?"

"I got a boo-boo." She lifted her arm and showed me a large purple bruise that had formed from her run in with the plumbing. "Mommy gets mad when I get a boo-boo cause she thinks someone will call the police."

"Why would they call the police? Kids get boo-boos. It happens."

Carter winced. "Daddy says I get a lot of boo-boos when I'm playing and he can't 'splain them cause I'm weird."

Judging from the bizarre things she'd done while in my care, I could only imagine how out of hand she could get when her mother was busy with another small child. "Like what?"

She pointed to the fine scar that ran into her hairline. I'd seen it before, when it wasn't covered by her constantly adorably rumpled hair, but I'd never thought to ask. I hadn't realized she'd already had it at age three. "I fell off the fridge."

I shook my head. "You what?"

"I thought I could get to the roof to see outer space. I couldn't get any higher and I couldn't get down, but I didn't want mommy to find out so I jumped."

Ok, yeah, a three-year-old cracking her head open by jumping off a refrigerator was not something I could explain to the authorities either. "I don't think I want to hear anymore." I saw the guilty look on her face and realized she'd probably done worse. "Have you hurt yourself since you met me?"

Carter nodded slowly. She showed me the back of her other arm which sported a matching bruise. She glanced at me and then reluctantly opened her hand to reveal a nasty cut, probably from the Asgard crystal - with any luck, we'd have matching scars since I'd never gotten mine cleaned up either. I was amazed that she hadn't been whining and crying over her injuries, but Carter had never been one for complaining. "Are you mad now?"

"Of course not. But can you please not hurt yourself anymore?"

Carter nodded happily, pleased that I wasn't going to get mad. "Are you coming to bed, Jack?"

I chuckled and silently scratched off one more phrase that I'd always been so desperate to hear from Carter that had come about in such a horribly wrong fashion. "The storm's over, so I'm going to my room."

"Good night, Jack."

"Sleep tight, don't let the-" I noticed her rapt attention and thought better of suggesting that there might be bugs in her bed. "Night."

The next time I woke up, the sun was shining brightly through the curtains. My first instinct was to roll over and go back to sleep. But then I remembered that Carter's first instinct was to cause bodily injury to herself. I found her in the kitchen, swimming in my t-shirt. She'd climbed up onto the table and was playing some sort of extremely involved game that involved talking to her Play-Doh blobs that were atop her cars. As soon as she saw me, she jumped up and held out her arms.

"Jack!"

I let her give me one of her trademark oxygen-depriving neck hugs. Then I set her on the floor, where she'd be less likely to fall, and carefully moved her elaborate set up with her. "I'm going to take a shower. Then it's time for pancakes."

"I already made pancakes."

My eyes immediately darted to the stove, fearing there was going to be firemen and a burn center in my future.

"No, silly, play pancakes!" She giggled at me and showed me the blue and yellow "pancakes" she'd prepared.

Knowing my job, I squatted down, picked up a blue one and took a pretend bite. Then I picked up the yellow one and took another pretend bite. Carter smiled at me gleefully. It was so easy to please a three-year-old. But something told me her cooking skills had only gone downhill from there. "Those were delicious, but I'm going to save room for not-play pancakes, ok?" She nodded. "Behave and don't hurt yourself." She nodded again and I ran to the bathroom for history's quickest shower.

It seemed safe enough when I returned. Carter was still on the floor, driving her cars around. I couldn't locate her homemade pancakes, but I was fairly certain they'd pop up somewhere inappropriate, like the VCR. I set about making a huge stack of pancakes. I got out two plates and forks and syrup and butter.

"Ok, Sam, let's eat."

Carter quietly joined me, sitting down in the chair next to me. "Two, please."

I doled out the breakfast, slathering hers with half a jar of syrup. I was halfway through my stack when I noticed she hadn't eaten a bite. "What's the matter?"

"You shouldn't talk with your mouth full, Jack." Even at three, Carter still had an easy time making me feel like a Neanderthal.

I swallowed my food. "Why aren't you eating? I thought you wanted pancakes."

She looked at the plate in front of her. "I'm not hungry."

I shrugged at her and pulled her plate over to mine. "More for me!"

While I was finishing off her breakfast, Carter had a brilliant idea. "Let's play cops and robbers! I'll be the cops!"

I grinned and put my fork down, using my thumb and first finger as a gun. "Stick 'em up!"

She giggled and pulled out her sheriff set. "I'm the sheriff and you're rested!" She held up her badge proudly and they clamped her handcuffs around my wrists.

The cuffs were made for kids and a second into the game, they really started to hurt. "Hey, copper, do I get time off for early behavior?"

She shook her head and looked sternly at me. "You're going to jail, robber!"

"Sam, these really hurt. Take them off."

She shook her head again. "No way!"

"Sam, I'm not playing anymore. Where are the keys?"

Frowning, she retreated to her collection of toys amassed on my kitchen floor. She lifted the package from the set up and shook it. Nothing came out. She looked at me with wide eyes and then her chin started to tremble.

"Hey, it's ok. I'll just have to break them." Fearing that would upset her more, I quickly changed my plan. "We'll buy you a new set later, ok?"

It took a half hour for me to saw through the plastic rings connecting my wrists to each other with a steak knife, but I didn't dare use a bigger knife - too much chance I'd kill myself accidentally. It did nothing to alleviate the fact that the circulation was being cut off to my hands, but I did have a greater range of motion. I knew it would take forever to get through the cuffs by myself. I took a deep breath and resigned myself to calling Daniel for a rescue. Carter was just too dangerous to trust with a knife and Teal'c would probably just hang up on me.

But as I reached for the phone, I noticed Carter looking at me funny. "Sam, what?" I was in serious pain at that point and I didn't think I had the energy for another crisis.

"I don't feel so good." Once she mentioned it, I noticed her slightly green pallor.

"Sam, did you have something to eat while I was sleeping?"

"I had some pancakes."

"You mean the make-believe kind?"

Carter nodded her head slowly and tells welled up in her eyes. "My belly hurts."

"Oh, God." I grabbed her and ran for the truck, hoping Janet knew what to do for Play-Doh poisoning.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

_AN: For the record, the bit about the handcuffs in the chapter came froma childhood experience in the late seventies... I lost the keys and my poor brother was trapped in handcuffs until my dad got home from work to break them off. I was then banned from playing sheriff anymore. As for nowadays, they might not make locking ones anymore - I doubt I'm the only kid that did that! Thanks for the reviews! Keep them coming!_

Chapter Fifteen

Carter whined all the way to the SGC. My wrists were killing me and my hands were turning blue. I drove like a maniac, daring anyone to get in my way. I'd called and warned Dr. Frasier that we were on our way so she was waiting with a medical team at the door. Janet grilled me, surprisingly not giving me a hand time about feeding Carter Play-Doh. I imagined that would come once they'd treated the emergency. They made me wait in the hall, numb hands and all, and I nearly went insane with worry.

Janet eventually emerged immediately telling me that Carter was fine. Then she lit into me. "What were you thinking - leaving her alone with that stuff? She's only three. She doesn't have any sense. You're supposed to be smarter than her!"

"No one's smarter than her, Doc." I didn't say anything about how she's addressed me. I deserved it and I knew that Janet was a doctor first, an officer second.

"I apologize for my tone, sir. I just hate it when catastrophes can be prevented."

"Can I see her?"

Janet smiled. "Actually there's something Sam needs to tell you." She held open the door. "We'll get those cuffs off you and then you're free to take her home."

I glanced at Carter, who was sitting up on her bed and looking suspiciously well. "Sam?"

"Jack!"

I sat next to her on the bed and let Janet work on the cuffs. She had some sort of tool that snapped through the thick plastic in only a second. "So, Sam, you have something to tell me?"

Sam looked at Janet and then at the floor. She mumbled something in a whisper. I leaned closer and asked her to repeat her words. She looked up at me and sighed. "I only pretend eated them."

I forced myself to remain calm. "Why did you say you really ate them?"

"I was bored."

Suddenly, nothing about Carter was cute anymore. I just wanted to strangle her. It became perfectly clear to me why Jacob had been so stern with her. I hopped off the bed and looked at Janet. "I'm going to need a few minutes."

"Sir, you can't leave her here!"

"I'm going to kill her."

Janet winced. "There's just too much she can get into here, sir!"

I shook my head and walked away. I couldn't believe she'd done that to me. She'd scared the crap out of me, just for the hell of it. I stormed into Hammond's office, finding Jacob and Anise there as well.

"Jack, I thought I made it clear that you were to stay at home with Major Carter until I contacted you."

"I can't take it anymore, sir." I held up my wrists and displayed the dark red welts.

Jacob chuckled. "Sam was a challenging kid."

I turned on him, even less amused by him than by Carter. "She's the demon seed!"

Hammond put his hand on my shoulder, recognizing how mad I really was. "What happened, Jack?"

I told him about Carter's little foray into acting. It wasn't really that bad - not for a bored three-year-old. The issue was that she'd lied to me. I couldn't deal with her lying to me.

He smiled at me, reminding me that she was far short of the age of reason and therefore didn't realize there was anything wrong with lying. "I'll watch her for a little while, Jack."

I sighed. "I could use a little break, sir."

"You're not getting much of a vacation." He nodded at Anise.

Anise smiled her irritating scientist smile. "Unfortunately, thorough investigation revealed nothing of any use. I will require a sample of the substance to create an antidote."

Ok, so going back to 738 was not what I had in mind for a break. I ignored Anise because, as always, she was saying something I didn't want to hear. "Are you sure you want to watch her, sir? She's um-" I was looking for the right word, but I couldn't find one.

Hammond picked up his phone. "Dr. Frasier, please bring Major Carter to my office."

I could head Janet's "thank God" from across the room. They appeared in the door way a few minutes later. Janet looked frazzled. Carter had strips of tape hanging from her hair. I started to laugh because it was reassuring to know that Janet had managed to lose control of her in only a few minutes. At least I'd had a day before she'd started acting up with me.

"Jack!" Carter ran over and lifted her arms up. "Up!"

Wary of the tape in her hair, I shook my head. "How would you like to play with Uncle G for a while?"

She tugged on my shirt. "No! Up!"

"Sam, I have to go to work."

Her face fell. "I'm sorry I was bad. Please don't leave."

And instantly, I forgave her from trying to give me a heart attack. I picked her up and hugged her. "It's ok, Sam. You didn't mean to."

Jacob shook his head. "You're such a sucker, Jack."

Carter promptly turned around and stuck her tongue out at her father. She hugged me tighter. "Jack loves me! He said so!"

Jacob looked mildly irritated. "Tell me something I didn't already know."

I decided to glare at Jacob in anger rather than being embarrassed. He stared back at me with a smirk on his face. My glare faded away and the blush rose up. Damn it, between the two of them, they had me cornered. I set Carter on the general's desk and looked at the floor.

"When do we leave, sir?"

"No!" Carter's whine was so loud and so grating that Anise slapped her hands over her ears and groaned. I was thoroughly amused, but felt I did a good job of hiding it. Carter, on the other hand, didn't bother. "No!" She did it again, giggling when Anise repeated the act.

I held up my hand for a high five from Carter. She giggled and grabbed my neck again, giving me no choice but to pick her up. "You're a girl after my own heart, Sam."

"If you ask me, she's already got it."

That time, I stuck my tongue out at Jacob.

"That's nice, Colonel. Take your cue from a rambunctious little girl." Hammond didn't really seem that angry, which was surprising considering the things Jacob was implying. Not that Hammond wasn't already well aware of the fact that I was in love with Carter, but I knew he didn't want everyone walking around admitting it.

"Sorry, sir." I set Carter back down on his desk, but she wouldn't let go of me.

"You'll leave at 0600 tomorrow, Colonel. Dr. Jackson's in Denver giving a lecture today and I'd prefer the available members of SG-1 return since you already know the lay of the land. Of course, SGs 6 and 9 will back you up." Hammond walked around his desk and smiled at Carter, and then he smiled at me. "Think you can handle her for another night or would you rather I take her?"

Carter hopped off the desk and attached herself to my leg once again. "Please, Jack?"

"If you promise to behave."

Carter just grinned up at me, showing me the dimples that I was powerless to resist.

Hammond shook his head. "You need to grow a backbone, Jack."

"As soon as she grows up, sir." I reached down and lifted her into my arms.

"I'm not sure that's going to help, Jack."

That time, Carter and I both stuck our tongues out at Jacob.

I grabbed the rest of the clothes Walter had brought and managed to put Carter in something respectable before we left. We stopped at a drug store on the way home. And although I was seriously tempted by the sleeping pills, I only bought Carter some more toys. I bought her two Slinkys - just in case she knotted the first one all up. Then I picked up some coloring books and crayons. I thought better of the crayons and picked up some fat markers instead, figuring she wouldn't have much luck eating them. Then I put the coloring book back and got her some plain sketch paper instead - because I kid that tried to build rockets and climb to the stars probably wouldn't enjoy coloring in Disney characters. She begged and pleaded for the chemistry set, but I flat refused, ignoring the kicking and screaming.

The mothers shook their heads at me and I wanted to correct them and point out that it wasn't inherent male ineffectiveness as a parent, but simply that Carter was an unbelievably unruly child that was not used to taking no for an answer.

I bought her a lollipop to get her to stop screaming and it worked wonders. The mothers didn't look any more impressed with me and I realized it probably had something to do with the streamers of tape that were still hanging out of Carter's hair. No one on the base had been willing to attempt a removal and we'd all pretty much decided it would be Carter's problem when she got big, provided the tape was still there.

By the time we got in the truck and headed back to the house, the lollipop had joined the tape, hopelessly enmeshed in her hair. I shrugged at her and decided I'd leave it there. It was sugar so I figured it would dissolve eventually. But then she started crying, whimpering and sniveling about how much the wanted her lollipop and I couldn't ignore her. I buckled her into the car seat and told her to close her eyes. I spent a half hour carefully picking as much of her hair away as I could, but for every hair I pulled free, ten others got stuck.

I didn't have the heart to just yank it free, so I took my pocket knife and chopped it out. I crossed my fingers that Carter's hair wouldn't be too messed up when she grew up. I pulled the remaining hair off the lollipop and gave it back to her, forbidding her from taking it out of her mouth until it was gone.

Of course, the lollipop wound up stuck to the back of my headrest, but since it was a better spot than her hair, I ignored her requests for me to retrieve it.

Our next stop was the video store, where we cleaned out their kid section. I planted Carter in front of the TV and promised her a surprise if she was very good until the sun went down. I took my seat next to her with a book. Amazingly, she barely moved a muscle all day, except to tug my arm and inform me when it was time to change the movies. I finished my book and drifted off to sleep somewhere in the middle of the fourth movie.

I awoke to Carter's big blue eyes inches away from mine. I jerked awake, surprised to find Carter in my lap. "Hi, Jack!"

I groaned, mumbling about how waking up to Carter in my lap was yet another one of my fantasies that had been ruined. "Hi, Sam."

"I was good, so do I get my surprise now?"

I looked out the window and confirmed that the sun had long since gone down. "Absolutely." I picked her up and carried her to the backyard where my ladder came down from the roof. "Hold on tight." I carefully climbed up to the lawn chair I kept on the roof, dedicated to stargazing. Maybe it wasn't the brightest idea to put Carter on the roof, but the kid was obsessed with the stars and I figured it just might make her little three-year-old life.

Carter was wrapped tightly around my neck, looking curiously at me. She was obviously used to people not encouraging her insanity. "What's my surprise?"

I carefully sat down, holding Carter firmly, and aimed my telescope. She didn't seem to have any idea what it was for. "What do you think the surprise is?"

She looked around, stumped. "A puppy?"

I chuckled at her. "No, sweetie, not a puppy." She looked disappointed, but her gaze drifted up to the stars and she started to smile. "Here, look." I showed her how to use the telescope and watched her face light up.

She kept me up there for hours, wanting to hear everything I knew about the stars at least twice. She didn't try to move or do anything stupid even once. As we made our way back down, she hugged me tight. "That was the bestest surprise I ever got."

I was choked by emotion and found myself hugging her close as soon as my feet touched the ground. I didn't know why it was so important to me, but I fervently hoped she'd have some memory of the time we'd spent together when Anise found a cure for her. I leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of her head. There were no words to tell her how much I loved her; I didn't think there ever would be.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

_AN: Guys, I'm so sorry... RL has been unbelievable lately.My job is awful and several members of my family are experiencing severe health problems, so it's been rough. The story is almost finished and I already know exactly how it ends, so just bear with me a little longer!_

Chapter Sixteen

Carter, naturally, was not in her bed when I woke up before the crack of dawn the next morning. I searched through the house, finding only two empty boxes from the Slinkys to indicate that she'd been there at all. I stared at the empty living room, thoroughly disappointed that she hadn't decided to watch another movie. Then I noticed the patio door standing slightly open and I knew, without a doubt, where Carter was.

I climbed the ladder to the roof so fast I was surprised I didn't fall off. And there she was, slumped over in my chair, sound asleep. Her thumb had slipped out of her mouth. There was a slew of Slinky knotted around her throat. Her whole body was leaning precariously against the tin armrest of the chair. Somehow, she hadn't fallen.

She didn't have the sense to fall.

I approached her, squatting down carefully in front of her and shaking her arm gently. Her eyes popped open and she had enough presence of mind to be scared. I wasn't mad though. I only smiled. "There's my little runaway."

She leaned forward and hugged me, gouging my neck with her Slinky stole. "I didn't run away!"

"Ok, how about troublemaker? Cause you certainly do seem to make a mess of things." I started picking at the knotted Slinky, but I couldn't make any progress. "How do you get into these messes?"

She just shrugged at me while I pulled the knot straight over her head. She looked ready to cry. "Can I get another one?"

I didn't know what to say - I knew there was a very real chance that she'd be back to normal in a few hours. It was disheartening - I liked baby Carter, even if she was trouble wrapped up in a sweet little package. "Tell you what, if you still remember that you want a Slinky tonight, I'll buy you another one."

"Kay." She attached herself to my neck as I carefully picked my way down the ladder. It wouldn't do to drop her when we'd almost survived the experience intact.

She looked confused when I turned the TV on for her. "It's the middle of the night, Jack!"

"No, it's very early in the morning."

"But it's still dark out!"

"I have to go to work early today.

She looked horrified. "What about me?"

I ruffled her hair, getting my hand stuck in the tape. "You're coming with me."

Carter smiled. "Yay!"

I carefully peeled the tape off my hand, making sure I didn't pull her hair in the process. "You'll play with Uncle G while I work, ok?"

Carter pouted. "I'd rather play with you!"

"I'd rather play with you too, but I have to make money so I can buy you a new Slinky."

She seemed satisfied with my answer and settled down to watch TV. I prayed I could get a quick shower before she even noticed I was gone.

I swear, one of these days, I'm going to learn that life is simply not that easy. She wasn't on the couch when I came back. She wasn't on the roof. I ran back inside and scoured the house looking for her. She wasn't anywhere. I checked the roof again, thinking I'd somehow missed her the first time.

"Jack!"

I spun around at the sound of her voice, nearly losing my balance as I tried to locate her. "Sam?"

"What are you doing up there?"

I finally spotted her. I wished I hadn't. She'd found the hose where I'd abandoned it after washing my truck a few days earlier. She'd managed to turn it on, soak herself and create a giant puddle of mud by the driveway. And she was laying in it.

I stared down at her, shaking my head in disbelief. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

She squinted up at me with smears of mud on her face. "Why are you up there?"

"Don't change the subject. And don't move." I scrambled down from the roof, fearing she'd find something else to get into before I got to her. But she hadn't moved an inch - she was still reclining in the mud with the hose running on her. "Ok, what exactly are you doing?"

She smiled at me, unaware of how precious she looked with streaks of mud in her face. "Mommy said that flowers only grow when you plant them in the dirt and water them."

"Are you a flower?"

"No, but I'm trying to grow."

I tired to fight off the smile - I was trying to get her to grow myself. And she actually had a reason to plant herself in the mud. "Why do you want to grow up?"

Without warning, she sprang up and hugged me, squishing her muddy self into my arms. "Because I want to marry you."

Oh, man, she was killing me. "Sam, you're a little girl. You can't grow like a flower. You just have to wait."

She looked terribly disappointed. "So if I wait and get big, will you still marry me?"

I couldn't help but grin. "Absolutely."

So I was covered with mud. Carter was covered with mud. I took her muddy hand and led her to the porch. "Stay right here." I ducked in the door and then turned back. "I mean it or I won't marry you."

Carter smiled her angelic smiled and was in exactly the same spot when I returned. I had changed into mud-free clothes. We were out of clothes for Carter, so I brought her another one of my t-shirts. Then I led her back to her mud patch and hosed her off. When she was about as clean as she was going to get, I helped her change into my t-shirt. I realized I couldn't put her in my truck yet - she was dripping wet and still kind of muddy. I grabbed a trash bag and stretched it over the backseat. Then I strapped her in and blasted the heater - I figured I could keep her warm and dry her off in one step. I was already going to be in enough trouble facing Jacob - I didn't need to carry a freezing cold, sopping wet, muddy Carter into the SGC.

Unfortunately, the drive wasn't that long and the heater wasn't so strong in the back of the cab. Carter was still drippy when I carried her into the building. "Are you cold, Sam?" She shook her head, spraying me with water from her hair, which had curled into adorable little ringlets around her head.

I bumped into Daniel on the way to the briefing room. He looked Carter over and shook his head. I looked at him, expecting crap from Jacob, not Daniel. "What?"

"She's covered with mud, Jack. And she's soaking wet. And she's not dressed. I wouldn't want to face her father."

I offered him a drippy, muddy, half dressed girl. "You want to give her a bath, Daniel?"

Realization slowly dawned on him. "Oh, right. Um, no, Jack. No, that's probably not a good idea."

"Exactly."

Carter reached out and tugged on Daniel's sleeve. He turned back to her and smiled. "Yes, Sam?"

"Jack wants to marry me."

My face turned bright red.

Daniel laughed. "Oh, he does, does he?"

Carter nodded emphatically. "He said so. When I grow up."

Daniel looked at me, the gleam in his eyes giving away what he was thinking. "I so hope she remembers this, Jack."

I gritted my teeth. "She started it." Daniel didn't look convinced. "No, she did. She was watering herself so she could grow because she wants to marry me." My eyes went wide as Carter shook her head, lying to Daniel that it hadn't happened. Daniel laughed right in my face. I turned on Carter. "You little liar!"

Carter looked down, her chin trembling. "I'm sorry."

I grinned as I looked back at Daniel. "See?"

"I stand corrected." He patted Carter's head and made a series of goofy faces at her. "So I hear we're heading back to 738. Didn't we get enough of that place?"

"We don't appear to have any other hope of getting things back to normal around here, which might be a problem the next time the Goa'uld come knocking."

"True." Daniel reached out and began tickling Carter who squealed and squirmed gleefully in my arms. "But I got the impression you were enjoying this."

"This is fun, don't get me wrong, but I want her back." I jiggled Carter in my arms, eliciting another series of squeals. "It's still her. Just different, you know? It's almost like she still knows me. She still trusts me more than anyone else - including her father."

Daniel smiled knowingly. "Even at three, she still recognizes her soulmate, Jack."

His words had me stunned into silence. Carter, for once, didn't appear to have any idea what we were talking about. I was thankful for that - I didn't want it to get around, even though everyone probably already knew. I shifted Carter around to my other arm and smiled at her. "Ready to see Uncle G?"

"Yay!" She started bouncing in my arms again and I decided it was a good thing that she was excited about seeing Hammond. I was hoping it would translate into her not crying when I went to work.

As promised, SGs 6 and 9 were crowded into the conference room, along with Teal'c, Hammond, Jacob, Anise, and even Thor. Great, I thought, even more people to witness Carter's state. I looked at Daniel as we walked in. "Look, the gang's all here."

Hammond frowned, pointedly checking both his watch and the clock on the wall. It couldn't possibly have escaped his notice that the three of us were twenty minutes late. "Nice of you to join us."

Daniel blamed it on non-existent traffic. I nodded at Carter. "We had a little incident with the hose this morning or we would have been early, sir."

Carter was a little shy because of all the bodies in the room. I would have held her on my lap, but she was still wet, so I set her on the floor and pointed out Jacob. "Daddy!"

Jacob took one look at the wet spots on my shirt from carrying her and sent her scurrying back to me. Selmac spoke up. "I thought Colonel O'Neill was adopting her."

I dropped my face into my hands as laughter sounded throughout the room. I looked up and smiled at Thor. "So, you decided to forgive Carter after all?"

Thor glanced at Hammond. "The general has indicated it is in the best interests of the Asgard-Tauri alliance for me to render assistance. I will help Anise and Freya to determine how to counteract the substance." He looked at Carter, who was climbing back into my lap since no one else would take her, even with her sweet curls. "Major Carter is still unwelcome aboard our vessels in her current condition."

Visions of her standing on the roof of an Asgard ship popped into my head. "Yeah, that's probably for the best."

Carter started searching through my pockets for a yo-yo or anything she could play with. She emerged with my pocketknife, but I quickly took it back. She pouted and then climbed over into Daniel's lap. Hammond started talking, laying out the plan for the mission back to 738. Carter tugged on Daniel's shirt, ignoring the way he shushed her.

"Sam, I'm trying to listen. You have to behave." Daniel turned away from her, refusing to respond to her tugging.

"Danny!" She stomped her foot, but she was in his lap and her foot landed in a sensitive spot on his anatomy. Daniel howled in pain while the rest of us cringed. No longer welcome with Daniel, Carter crawled back into my lap.

Hammond spoke up. "Samantha, sit down and behave yourself."

She shrank back against my chest. "But I wanted to tell Danny about the stars!"

I put my face back in my hands, fearing that I was about to get it for letting Carter go up on the roof. Then I realized I could spare myself the trouble. "I showed her the stars with the telescope, Daniel." I patted Carter on the head. "Now he knows."

"But I wanted to tell him!"

Hammond stood up, bellowing for Walter instead of calling him. "Sergeant, please call Doctor Frasier and have her look after Major Carter until the briefing is over."

Carter howled when Janet tried to lead her away. Daniel spoke up, suggesting Janet ask about the stars. Carter grinned and I was so happy as they started to walk from the room.

Then I realized what Carter was saying. It wasn't about the stars.

"Jack said he wants to marry me when I grow up!"

Daniel started to laugh. Hammond's and Jacob's faces started turning all shades of red. The rest of the men in the room either started to laugh or whisper or both.

I looked around and wanted to die. "That's not what I said."

Carter grinned back at me while Janet continued to lead her away. "Liar!"

I waited until they were out of earshot before I renewed my denial. "It really wasn't like that, sir. She's three. She doesn't know what she's talking about." I cautiously met Jacob's stare. He looked angry, but I realized that his eyes were dancing. He was pretending to be angry when, truthfully, he was quite amused.

Hammond shook his head. "Hopefully, this will all go away in a few hours." He launched right into the mission briefing then, giving no indication of the chaos that Carter had produced. I caught the occasional glance from everyone, but I thought it would be best if I ignored them. I was kind of hoping that the rumor circulating that I wanted to marry Carter would make the one about us having a kid go away. Although it was really a toss up as to which was worse.

Within a half hour, we were all geared up and ready to go. The gate was dialing. The mission was clear. Hammond bade us Godspeed. And then Janet appeared, motioning helplessly at the girl who was scampering among the heavily armed men looking for me.

"Jack!"

I crouched down, realizing that was exactly why children weren't allowed on military bases - because it wasn't safe for them and it was particularly unhealthy for my bravado. "Sam, I have to work now. Remember we talked about it?"

Carter resolutely shook her head, claiming to have no such recollection. "Don't leave me, Jack!" She tried to hug me, but I held her at an arm's length.

"Sam, you're going to play with Uncle G, remember? And then when I get back, I'm going to buy you a new Slinky."

Carter nodded slowly, like she wasn't quite sure if she wanted to agree. "Can we look at the stars too?"

I nodded, feeling awful for my lie. I was going on a mission to put Carter back to normal, but part of me didn't want to succeed. If Carter stayed the way she was, I could shower her with love and no one would be able to do a damn thing about it. I leaned forward and kissed her head, relinquishing what was left of my attempt to appear professional. "I'll be back soon, princess." I looked over at General Hammond who was waiting at the base of the ramp. "Go have fun, Sam."

Carter's chin trembled, but she scrambled over to Hammond anyway. My heart nearly broke as she clutched his shirt and started to bawl. I knew that was what she remembered from childhood - her father telling her calmly that he had to go to work and being gone for weeks at a time. It was no wonder she had a complex about me leaving. I just hoped that the mission would be as easy as it seemed.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

We stepped through the gate ready to fire. Although the MALP had sent back images that showed no sign of guards, we were ready for an attack anyway. Except for some tress burned with laser fire, there was no indication that anything had happened there at all. I ordered SG-9 to hold the gate, just in case, while I forced the rest of my team and SG-6 to hike through the woods. The march took slightly longer than the first time we'd been there - we were on the lookout for an ambush and we were armed to the teeth. We were ready for them.

Well, we thought we were. The laser hole-punch squad met us at the edge of the forest just as they had the first. I could have sworn they were the same guys as before, yet they showed no recognition. I wondered if they remembered shooting at us. Having seen them in action, I was slightly more impressed with their weapons than I had been, but I wasn't about to tell them that.

I also didn't tell them about the sick sense of déjà vu that overtook me when they directed all of us into that same lovely beige room decorated with the same misshapen globs of mud. I sat down on the bench and swore I was going to come up with a better plan the next time. See, I'd been expecting them to be waiting for us. I expected a nice little firefight that we would win. I expected in exchange for not taking over their planet, not that we would anyway, they would offer us a trade. We would promise peace and they would hand over the make-Carter-big-again potion and all would be well. Or, which was equally likely, we would just keep shooting until someone offered us the goods in exchange for our departure. I really didn't feel that there was any reasonable expectation that we'd be back at square one. Actually, we were worse off than that - at square one, we'd had Carter with us then and, although she and the rest of the feminists out there will hurt me for thinking it, having Carter with us usually, but not always, makes us more welcome. Carter generally distracts the unfriendly looking men who would otherwise harass us. Like the group of unfriendly looking men who walked in the room.

You know what's worse than unfriendly looking armed men on a hostile planet?

Unfriendly looking armed men who look around the room and suddenly look very disappointed, that's what. But at least they gave no indication of remembering how they'd been trying to kill us when last we spoke.

Rather than tip my hand, I stepped forward, bravely greeting the group of four. "Hey, guys! We got home and realized we'd forgotten to send any postcards and you know how embarrassing that is, so we thought we'd come back and-"

The man who'd taken Loh'ran's place after Loh'ran shrunk himself stepped forward. "You are not welcome here."

I tightened my grip on my gun. "Yeah, well, that's never stopped us before." SG-6 took their cue from me and assumed a combat ready stance. Laser-guided hole-punches or not, they were outnumbered. "I'll make a deal with you. We're much better aiming our weapons than you are, so we'll promise not to use them if you give us some of your happy pills."

The men looked confused and I noticed that they didn't bother to check with each other to see if anyone else was confused. Now me, the first thing I do when someone says something I don't understand is look around to see if someone else gets it and can explain it to me. Not them. "I am unaware of the existence of any such thing. You will be escorted to the woods and asked to leave. Do not return again unless you are leaving your friend with us."

As the guys were turning around, I motioned for SG-6 to block the exit. Daniel and Teal'c took flanking positions. When they turned back to me, I just smiled my smug little I'm-in-charge smile. "I want some of whatever you gave Carter and I want it now." I let the anger I felt over the mere notion that I'd leave Carter with them bolster my voice until I was convinced I sounded quite authoritative and very, very angry.

Now that time, they group actually looked among themselves. Finally, their leader stepped forward with an even smugger grin than I had. "You wish for true happiness."

I gritted my teeth. "Yeah, sure, you betcha." Daniel snickered. I glared at him. "What? Don't I look happy already?"

The men bunched together and quickly discussed it. They turned back to me; each one grinning happily. "We will retrieve the necessary substance." SG-6 begrudgingly allowed them to leave. I wasn't about to let my guard down - it seemed far too easy.

Daniel approached me as soon as they were gone. "Jack, you're not actually going to eat that, are you? I mean, I don't think I want to know what you were like at three."

Teal'c stepped closer as well. "While I am certain you were less troublesome than major Carter as a child, O'Neill, if you become a child yourself, there will be no one willing or able to care for Major Carter."

"Do you guys really think they're going to hand it over if I explain it's for the express purpose of counteracting it?" I didn't have any intentions of ingesting it, but I figured pretending I wanted some was the easiest way to get my hands on it. Although, once I thought about it, I realized I really wouldn't have minded being three-years-old again. Especially not if I got to spend my days playing with Carter.

Teal'c nodded, seemingly agreeing with my plan. But then he moved in front of me as though to stand guard. "In the interests of preventing the inadvertent destruction of the SGC at the hands of a young Major Carter, I will not allow you to become compromised." I thought I was mortified at the idea of Teal'c protecting me, but then I realized true mortification - the members of SG-6 were laughing openly at me. Teal'c's well meaning words had single-handedly destroyed any credit I could take for being a leader.

I shoved him to the side, even less pleased when I realized Daniel was snickering too. "Knock it off!"

Daniel tried to fight back the smile. "Jack, it's not you. It's the fact that Sam's going to be the death of all of us if we don't get her back to normal soon."

We were interrupted by the men returning. One of them stepped forward, holding out a small vial of liquid. He smiled irritatingly at me. "We will wait for the transition."

I took the vial and carefully slid it into my pocket. I pretended not to see how everyone watched me do so. "Actually, guys, I really do want true happiness and world peace and all, but I'd rather experience it on my own planet. Thanks, though."

Another one of the men stepped forward and I realized he bore a striking resemblance to Loh'ran. "You will now return Samantha to me."

It wasn't just a striking resemblance. It was Loh'ran. And even more irritating, the bastard still had designs on Carter. "I most certainly will not!" I grabbed the guy next to Loh'ran by the collar. "You told me it was permanent!" I didn't actually know which one of them told me it was permanent. They all looked the same to me.

At least the guy had the sense to look frightened. "Multiple administrations are required for a permanent change. Most of our citizens prefer to try it before they commit to the change." He looked down and for a brief second, he seemed almost remorseful. "We had hoped that you would have no use for Samantha as a child and therefore leave her with us."

Fury wouldn't allow me to let go of him. "Are you telling me that she's just going to go back to the way she was?"

"She will be the same as before, however she will always long for true happiness unless you return her to us."

I shoved the guy out of my way. "I absolutely do not believe this!" I actually stomped back through the town. I was fairly certain everyone else was stomping too, even the hole-punch security detail was stomping, although that might have just been the way they were trained to march. I couldn't really stomp through the woods, the underbrush was too thick.

Few people bothered to break the silence as we made our way back to the gate; everyone was annoyed at the waste of time. I had a feeling that Carter was going to hear about that one too - the mission that wasted the resources of three SG teams because someone had a crush on her.

Eventually Teal'c broke the silence as he moved quietly beside me. "I believe you are angry about more than the wasted time on this mission, O'Neill."

"Good catch." I rolled my eyes at him, hating how one look from him could get me to spill things. "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's going back to being Carter, but-"

"You will miss the affectionate nature she had as a child." Oh, how I hated the way Teal'c caught on to everything.

"Yeah." It wasn't just that, but I didn't want to get into it.

"You will also miss the Tauri's acceptance of your affection for her."

I glared at him for a moment, wishing he would be weak enough to smile at one-upping me. But no, he kept on pretending he didn't love throwing me for a loop. "You're supposed to be affectionate with kids, Teal'c. It's how you keep them from growing up to be mass murderers."

Teal'c nodded, giving me no indication that he was about to throw another one at me. "Are you not also supposed to be affectionate with your mate?"

I glared at him again. "It's against the rules, Teal'c. You know that." I froze for a moment after I answered, realizing that I'd disputed the wrong thing. "She is not my mate."

That time, even Teal'c couldn't stop himself from gloating. By not immediately denying that Carter was mine, Teal'c thought he'd won some point - like no one had ever tricked me into admitting my feelings for Carter. Teal'c seemed to be under the impression that if I admitted it enough times, then I would be free to act on it.

I hurried my pace to get away from him. Regardless of how many times I explained the situation, Teal'c never quite understood it. And the more I explained it, the less I understood it - certainly the fact that I'd never acted on my feelings didn't change the feelings themselves. And certainly the military would have a hard time enforcing rules that prohibited emotions.

SG-9 seemed almost disappointed at our quiet victory. They're just one of those teams that doesn't believe success can be achieved without shooting people. I stood by sullenly while they dialed the gate and sent through the code. I was the first one back through, tramping down the ramp with a scowl on my face.

General Hammond was waiting for our report. "Colonel, I didn't expect you back so soon. Was the mission a success?"

I nodded. "Yes, sir. I held up the vial." Anise took it eagerly and I could only imagine what she was thinking.

"Very good, Colonel."

"Actually, sir, it really doesn't matter. Apparently they told us a little white lie about the effects being permanent. They said it will wear off on its own."

"Then why in God's name did they say it was permanent?" The general looked truly baffled.

"They wanted to keep her, sir. They thought we wouldn't want her back if she was going to stay a kid."

The general shook his head; I think he was as disappointed as I had been. "We'll have to postpone the debriefing for a short while."

"Why, sir?"

Daniel stepped up beside me, ever more observant than I. "General, where's Sam?"

Sure enough, when I looked around, I saw no signs of her. I would have thought she'd be attached to the general's leg or eagerly awaiting my return. I turned back to face Hammond in time to catch his grimace.

"Sam wants to go to the zoo."

Daniel and I looked at each other in confusion. The zoo was simply far too terrestrial a request for Carter. "The zoo, sir?" I was convinced he was hiding something.

Hammond looked down for a moment and took a deep breath, summoning his strength. "Yes, Colonel. She wants to go to the zoo. And she's barricaded herself in the armory until you agree to take her there."


	19. Chapter Eighteen

_AN: Finally... the end. Please let me know if you've enjoyed this story. It was a fun one to write. Thank you for all your reviews so far._

Chapter Eighteen

"The armory?" Daniel and I spoke in unison, having had the same thought for once in all the years we'd known each other. There were just too many things that could go horribly wrong there.

I started for the armory immediately, fear quickening my steps. Hammond walked beside me. "Did they give you an estimate how long before the effects wore off, Jack?"

"No, sir." I paced as we waited for the elevator. I was afraid Carter was going to hurt herself before I could get there to stop her. "Hopefully before she accidentally shoots herself."

I knocked on the door of the armory lightly, hoping I wouldn't scare her into dropping a grenade or something. "Sam? You in there?" I knocked a little harder the second time. "Sam? I hear you want to go to the zoo. If you open the door, I think we can arrange something." Again, I got no response. I knocked harder, feeling the pain in my knuckles from hitting the steel door. "Sam, open the door and I swear I'll take you to the zoo tomorrow and then we can sit on the roof all night and look at the stars. How's that sound?"

I don't know what it was, but I heard the sound of something fairly heavy scraping along the floor. Then there was the clang as the lock was opened. But Carter didn't emerge. I waited a moment before I slowly opened the door. "Sam?" I looked back at the general and Daniel and Teal'c and the rest of the audience that had gathered. I was surprised more of them hadn't run for the surface when they caught wind of the fact that Carter had access to some serious firepower. I motioned for everyone to stay back. "If she's mad, I'll probably have better luck getting her out alone."

I pushed open the door gently and walked in. Guns and ammo and grenades and all sorts of explosives littered the floor. I was truly amazed Carter hadn't blown herself, and the rest of the base for that matter, up. "Sam?" I peered down the first aisle and saw more of the same, but no Carter. "If you want to play hide and seek, we're not going to the zoo." I peered down the second aisle and saw nothing different.

"I don't want to play hide and seek or go to the zoo. I'm trying to disappear." Her voice came from the third aisle back.

I rounded the corner, expecting a blond whirlwind ready to pounce.

There was a blond whirlwind there, all right, but she was considerably taller than I'd last seen her. And very, very leggy. It took a long time for my eyes to work their way up over the vast expanse of bare flesh. The hem of the t-shirt fell just shy of what might be considered decent. Her arms were folded across her chest in some pretense of modesty. The shirt still hung off one shoulder, but the incredibly long, delicate skin it revealed was very different than a day earlier. When my eyes finally reached her face, I could see the half angry, half triumphant gleam.

"Wow." I couldn't help it. I just couldn't. Finally - one of my fantasies that was still recognizable. Samantha Carter. Very nearly completely undressed. Wearing only my t-shirt. I could have died happy at that moment. I cleared my throat in an attempt to speak, but when I did, my words didn't help much. "Good God."

Carter's face burned red as she looked down. I saw her wince when she realized how very short my shirt was on her. She pulled futilely at the hem. "Looking at the stars sounds kind of nice, actually, but I'm not going to the zoo until someone brings me some clothes."

It took me a minute to realize that she was expecting me to play a part in getting them for her. "Ah, just a minute." I went back to the door and beckoned Daniel, giving him strict instructions to get Dr. Frasier to bring Carter some clothes. I knew Carter would feel better if Janet was the one to get them. I went back to where Carter was hiding.

She had her arms over her head, working to remove the strips of tape. I glanced down, promptly realized that wasn't helping, and cleared my throat again. "Uh, Carter?"

She continued working on her hair. "Sir?"

I nodded at the additional skin that raising her arms revealed. "You might want to wait on that." I didn't think I needed to mention that if she didn't, things between us were going to get very unprofessional. She blushed a deeper red and lowered her hands.

The silence that descended was thick enough to choke us. I couldn't seem to stop myself from staring. Eventually Carter suggested that I wait outside until after Janet brought her some clothes. I agreed with her because my brain had turned entirely to mush and I'd found that it was generally a good idea to agree with Carter. Unfortunately, while my voice agreed, my body didn't move and I continued to stare.

"Uh, sir? You were waiting outside?"

Then it was my turn to blush. I nodded and turned away, more flustered than she was. I hated how she could do that to me. I reemerged to face the curious crowd of people. I looked at General Hammond. "Well, sir, it wore off."

"Oh, thank God!" He looked positively overjoyed. "Is she suffering any ill effects?"

"Uh-" I probably should have asked, but it hadn't occurred to me. Nothing beyond extremely primitive behavior had occurred to me. Seeing her in my shirt unleashed something feral in my head. "I - um - Janet!"

Dr. Frasier had arrived with a pile of neatly folded clothes. "Sir?"

I pointed at Dr. Frasier. "Good old doc here is probably better qualified to answer that."

Hammond sent the rest of the staff back to work and ordered Janet to bring Carter to the infirmary as soon as she was ready. Daniel, Teal'c and I followed the general to the infirmary to wait.

Carter and Janet appeared a few minutes later. Carter was still picking at the tape. Janet was helping her, but stopped as soon as she saw us. "I'll have to do a more thorough exam, but Major Carter seems to be completely fine."

Carter let Janet prod her onto a bed, but she fixed her eyes on me. "Is this really necessary?"

I took it as a good sign that she was trying to avoid medical treatment. "Absolutely. Anyone who ages thirty years in the course of a day must undergo a physical exam."

Carter opened her mouth to dispute it, but then she remembered how much poking and prodding I'd had to undergo when I'd aged fifty years and then regressed back to my proper age. Her shoulders slumped. "I guess we're not going to the zoo, then."

Daniel stepped forward, poking Carter's shoulder. Carter pulled away and glared at him. He shrugged. "Just making sure." He smiled at her as she started to scratch at the patches of dried mud on her arms. "Do you remember the last few days, Sam?"

She shrugged. "We were on 738." She grimaced. "Loh'ran was a little too touchy-feely for my taste." She looked at me for a moment and I knew she remembered the conversation we'd had in the hallway between our rooms. She shrugged again. "That's about it. What happened?"

I grinned. "Loh'ran tried to make you truly happy. He snuck some magic potion into your food."

Jacob's voice sounded from the hallway. "He turned you into a three-year-old."

Carter's eyes widened slightly. "That must have been an interesting experience."

Teal'c nodded. "You were what I believe is called a holy living terror."

Carter started to laugh, as did Jacob. She nodded at Teal'c. "Yeah, that sounds about right." She looked around, as though searching for any damage she might have caused. "I didn't burn anything down, did I?"

I grinned harder. "No fires, per se, at least not the literal kind."

General Hammond was grinning too. "You did crash an Asgard ship. Thor will be most pleased to see that you're all grown up again."

"So, Carter, I have to know - what was the deal with being carried? You wouldn't walk anywhere by yourself, unless you were climbing on the roof in the middle of the night."

Jacob's head snapped towards me. "You let her on the roof?"

I threw my hands up in surrender and backed away. "I was asleep! She did it on her own!" I saw how amused everyone else, particularly Carter, was at how scared I was. I crossed my arms over my chest. "Besides, you're the one who insisted I take her."

Carter looked surprised. "Dad! Why didn't you watch me? You would have known what to look out for!"

Jacob grinned devilishly. "You didn't want anything to do with me. You only wanted Jack."

Carter's red face silenced the group momentarily. Carter stopped picking at the dried mud and resumed her attack on her hair. It only took one brief moment before her hand landed on the spot I'd cut the lollipop out of. Her eyes met mine. "Sir?"

So it was a bit of a long shot to hope she wouldn't notice the spot of hair cut several inches shorter than the rest. I shrugged. "You wanted your lollipop."

She squeezed her eyes closed and I could tell she was working on that disappearing thing again. Janet stepped in. "All right, guys, I'm going to have to interrupt the reunion. Let me take a look at Major Carter and then you can finish telling her stories." As she finished speaking, a nurse popped in to tell Janet she had a phone call. She nodded at Carter. "I'll be right back."

I hung back as everyone else left. I smiled at Carter, genuinely happy that she was back. I knew I was going to have to find a way to mention how much I'd realized in those few days.

She smiled at me. "As for being carried, sir, I think I was nine before I walked anywhere without being forced to. My mom always said I was just being affectionate to make up for all the trouble I caused.

I nodded. "It worked." And how. "I'll wait outside for you, Carter." I started to walk away.

"Don't go far, sir."

I spun around to face her, wondering about her uncharacteristic remark. "Carter?"

She met my eyes and grinned, demonstrating the full power of her dimples once again. "I believe you owe me a Slinky."

I stared back at her, realizing the full impact of her words. She remembered my promise about buying her a new Slinky. That meant she remembered everything - when I said I loved her, when I agreed to marry her. "Yes, ma'am." I winked. "But that Slinky comes with dinner."

Her eyes were dancing as she nodded. "The weatherman was calling for storms later. You might need me to protect you."

"D'oh!" I turned away and went to wait for her, shaking my head. I was in trouble. I was so looking forward to it.

It was as I stood outside the door, leaning against the wall that I realized something important. Despite Loh'ran's claims, Carter hadn't been happy when she was a child. She'd always been looking for something else, trying to satisfy her curiosity. When she grew up, she finally had the Stargate to amuse her. But even that wasn't enough.

I was the only one with the power to make her truly happy. And I fully intended to.


End file.
